Reality Check: The View's Token Republican Reportedly Going Back To The Mothership

• Weepy right-winger Elisabeth Hasselbeck to leave The View and worship at the feet of Fox News?? Yeah, that sounds about right. (Jezebel)

• No, Paris Hilton's chihuahuas were not eaten by rabid coyotes. No, she didn't spend all day locked indoors, crying hysterically about it. And no, she has no idea how the Tinkerbellicide rumors got started. (Celebitchy)

• It's makeover week on America's Next Top Model! Sadly, nobody cries. (Buddy TV)

Gossip Girl's Penn Badgley -- who plays brainy/introspective Brooklynite, Dan! -- likes his women curvy. According to Badgley, those walking stick figures on 90210 could definitely use some more meat on their (already protruding) collarbones. (Usmagazine)

America's Got Talent is becoming so...predictable. (TV Squad)

Lance Bass prepares for his role on Dancing with the Stars by walking around in high heels. Insert obvious joke *here.* (TV Watch)

UPDATE: According to one of our readers, there were some tears shed during the ANTM makeover episode! Apologies for forgetting about the melodramatic vegan chick. Hey, you know what would ease the pain of that crappy haircut? A nice, juicy double cheeseburger. With bacon.