Paris Hilton's My One Day BFF (P, Call Me!)

The network tells me it's too late to audition to be Paris Hilton's new BFF -- apparently they aired the Casting Special already. But I'm the type of girl who doesn't take no for an answer. That's why I'm sharpening up my resume and keeping it handy just in case the show's winner doesn't work out so well (or happens to find a bunny boiling atop her oven). Check over my qualifications below and just try and tell me I wasn't meant to be Paris' bestie:

**Proficient hair braider. Can work easily with extensions.

**One of few people left who still attends Good Charlotte shows. Always thought Benji was cuter than Joel.

**Wears undies, never angles to upstage.

**Does pilates daily while listening to "Stars Are Blind." Can offer up decent harmony.

**Needs only bare minimum rest/food/water.

**Had lots of money in a past life.

**Skilled designated driver.

**Can bark like a chihuahua.