Hills Roundup! LC Gets Flack For Book Deal, Heidi's Biological Clock Tick-Tick-Ticks Away

It's been another busy week for the guys and gals of The Hills. So for your A.D.D.-approved convenience, we've decided to round up all the internet goss and condense into one easy-to-digest serving. Welcome to Rumorsville!

+ Apparently, not everyone's as thrilled as Lauren Conrad is about her purported 3-book deal with HarperCollins. According to Lauren, fans have extremely "low expectations" for the reality series. (Because, apparently, the Hills' target demographic is secretly comprised of Proust readers and Dickensian scholars!) And since we all know LC has, like, zero problem standing up to "sucky" people, the author-to-be popped by MTV News to confront her critics and explain why her semi-autobiographical novels will be the must-have beach read of 2009.

+ Meanwhile, Heidi Montag celebrated her 22nd birthday by sporting a tiara from Claire's Accessories and sitting down for a completely spontaneous picnic with Spencer. And now that she's "all grown up" (her words, not ours) she says her (re)engagement to Spencer is "imminent." Which still doesn't explain why she told Ryan Seacrest that she wants somewhere between 4 and 10 kids and announced her intention of opening an orphanage "like Mother Teresa."

+ Plus, Audrina Patridge belatedly posted her snapshots from last weekend's Video Music Awards! From the looks of it, she was seated about ten rows back, behind two women sporting Hillary Clinton's trademark blonde bob. Kidding! Well, not really. Hey, if you squint, you can almost make out Britney Spears' upper thigh! (Meanwhile, check out these professional VMAs pics of Audrina's gorgeous golden gown!)

** Need more Hills in your life? Rewatch last night's episode, catch up on the scenes for next week's show and stay tuned for another jam-packed Hills roundup later on this week, (gossip-permitting).