Whatevs, Milan: I'm Totes Coining The Hills 'New Fashion Capital'!

The hottest trends in Hollywood were out and about on tonight's episode of The Hills -- even LA newcomer Holly Montag had her look down solid when she lunched with the always impeccably dressed, Lauren Conrad. From what I gathered, here are three must-do's for fall and one don't-you-even-dare!

Ooh La La Headwear! Oh Heids, for all the times I've disapproved of your sometimes too-tight tube dresses and so-short shorts, I give you props tonight for sporting a French beret that says, "I may get daily blowouts, but this girl ain't too uppity to accessorize with woolly fabric!"

Big Drop Earrings: Nothing balances out a girl's smoky bedroom eyes like some big-ass ear accessories. Note: The Montag sisters are in this trend together, and not even a death glare/OMG! stare from Spencer can send them back to studs.

Hole in One: What a neat surprise tonight when Steph Pratt revealed she secretly had her tongue pierced once. No, we're not condoning any type of bodily mutilation -- just finding a boyfriend who's already taken care of business. Tats and piercings can be kinda sexy on an otherwise dorky-looking dude!

Save $$$, see your fashion DON'T after the jump!

Haute Handbags: Show Girl had to point out to me that the above "oversized" (as in, "overnight sackish") purse did not just fall off the Gap Sale Shelf. In fact, this bag is a Balenciaga, which some NYC women consider cooler than free botox and would even shell out upwards of $2K to bobble down to Barney's with it slung over their shoulder. While both Lauren AND Heidi boast this purple-people-eating bag thingie, you my dear, can wait for the pleather knockoff to hit Forever 21 (or ditch the design all together for something that won't steal your thunder... and entire savings account).