Dear Spencer: Stop Digging the Hole Deeper!

Dear Spence,

As you know, this isn't the first time I've offered you some unsolicited advice. But since you seem like the kinda guy who responds well to constructive criticism, I figured I'd give this one more shot.

Anyways, here's the thing. I'm no expert when it comes to self-restraint, but from what I gather, when someone suggests you have a bad temper (you know, like Mary-Kate Olsen did on Letterman last week) it's generally best to smile, nod and say something sort-of silly about how you've "been known to get carried away" from time to time. What you shouldn't do, maybe, is phone up your old friend US Weekly and go on and on about how Mary Kate is an ugly troll with terrible taste in movies.

Or, as you put it:

"I don't really get why she'd use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one's going to see. She should probably focus more on not getting dressed in the dark than on me...I know I've made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman," Pratt told Us. "I forgive her, though," he added. "She's had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough."

So, to review: When someone unfairly mischaracterizes you as an ill-tempered lout, it's typically not in your best interest to fire back with an angry tabloid rant full of zingers about said informant's physical appearance and her patented homeless-chic style of dress.

Always lookin' out for ya!

xoxo,

Show Girl

p.s. Please tell Heidi I love her new single, and that I'm sorry for calling it "faux-French."