Impassioned 'RC' Editorial, Plus Paper Staff Predictions for 2018

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Tonight's Paper finale was a tad bit heartbreaking. Brought me back to all the petty fights with close friends and time wasted not really hearing each other out... and not just in high school... we're talking, like, last month. The kind of political crap that permeated The Paper pretty much follows you around forever. Luckily, it'll never be as bad as it was in the adolescent years, when outright hatred and cruelty can mistakenly qualify as "just being honest," and the sum of a clique is actually less than its parts. But any viewers who were aggravated by the "lack of maturity" displayed by these these kids and wished they would just "grow up" should maybe recall their inappropriate comment about chimpanzee mating habits at last summer's employee picnic, "accidental" ass-grope on the intern after an alcohol-fortified business lunch, mid-power-point-presentation storm out followed by bathroom crying jag, etc. etc. etc. When it comes down to it, we're all just a bunch of acne-ridden, brace-faced, socially awkward teenagers dressing up in pinstripes each day for our 9-5 jobs, pretending we're so over it...

I hope Amanda and Alex can patch things up once they've gotten some distance from one another at their respective colleges. Who knows? Maybe the entire ex-Circuit staff will come home for holiday break, enlightened by their first glimpse at life on their own terms, and they'll all hold hands and sing kumbayah at another Dave Matthews concert. As The Hills' Justin Bobby would say, "Truth and time tell all."

Accordingly, here are my predictions for what each member of the staff will be doing 10 years from now...

Amanda: After a two-year stint as the youngest ever editor-in-chief at New York Magazine, she leaves the news beat to co-star in the Broadway production of Grease.

Adam: Plays the Danny to Amanda's Sandy when he's not touring with High School Musical XII on Ice.

Giana and Trevor: Still attached at the hip (but now they're officially married), Giana writes a weekly love advice column for the Miami Herald and Trevor teaches math at the nearby university. On the weekends he jets off to Vegas and pulls in thousands of dollars counting cards at the Blackjack tables.

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Cassia: Works passionately to bring down The Man, has finalized more international adoptions than Brangelina, and leads an annual meditation retreat for teens with trust and anger issues.

Alex: Managing Editor of Sports Illustrated, best known for breathing new life into the Swimsuit Issue and holding feature meetings at day spas. He's been gunning for the editor-in-chief position since his first week on the job....

Dan: Won Last Comic Standing and used the prize money to open his own improv theater in Hollywood.

Mrs. Weiss: Still heading up the journalism program at Cypress Bay, one gray hair at a time. Works inside newly-installed, sound-proof cubicle.