Why I'd Rather Be in Rehab Than the Real World House

As far as I'm concerned, Joey got off easy. I'd so much rather be debating the benefits of sobriety with Dr. Drew, drawing my feelings, and admitting character defects than be caught in the shiz-storm that was last night's Real World.

You just know there's something wrong with the situation when...

• The stripper is calling out her roommate for bringing home trashy girls.

• You think Sarah's lucky to be dating a total wuss, because at least he's wearing a shirt, says "please," and respects your right to be called something other than a "ho".

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• The editors choose to show the scandalous hook-up scene, and you REALLY wish they hadn't. (Just in case you thought the waist-down-only nudity was sexy, go ahead and watch it again, after the jump.)

• The only redeeming quality you can find in Greg is that he hasn't punched a wall... yet.

• Jo Jo starts looking like a catch.

• You think reading the bible instead of engaging in the drama sounds like good advice.

• You look back fondly on The Days of Ruthie.

• The following phone conversation seems completely rational:

KIM: "He started bringing naked whores over -- it pissed me off so... it's so retarded, everyone here acts like they're 12."

MOM: "Well, hang in there honey, it's certainly a growing experience."

KIM: "I don't need to grow anymore."

MOM: (Giggles)

KIM: "I know who I am, I know what I want. I'm not gonna learn how to like someone who's completely inconsiderate, incompetent, or a complete lunatic. The only thing I can learn from that is, like, to be a little more patient and be like, 'You need to grow the fuck up.' I mean, I don't know where all the decent people are."

Check back later today to read all about Joey's experience at rehab. Sounds like a spa compared to this brokedown road house.