An Open Letter To Spencer Pratt

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Dear Spence,

Wait, can I call you Spence? It feels as though I've known you forever, but that's just cuz I've been watching you since long before you grew a mustache and started mooching off your younger/cooler sis, Stephanie.

But anyhow, I'm actually writing to let you know I'm feeling sort of conflicted about your relationship with Heidi. Sure, you guys have a lot in common (you've both got that whole bleached-blond "We hate Lauren" thing going for you) but I'm just not sure that's the kind of stuff that translates into a successful long-term relationship.

Look, I get that you've totally changed these past few months (more grand romantic gestures! more shaving!) and worked through all some of your commitment issues, but as Commenter Kina puts it, "Changing from player to stalker doesn’t make you boyfriend material."

And frankly, I just can't help wondering whether you really have Heidi's best interest at heart. After all, relationships are typically built on trust — not on encouraging your ex-fiancé to ditch her former gal-pals and blow off super important meetings with current bosses.

So here's the deal, Spence. You say you're a new man? Well, now's time to prove it — by showing us that you and Heidi are meant to live happily ever after. Because, guess what? Despite everything that's happened, I still think you guys really are soulmates.

Hope this helps!

Love,

Control Freak

P.S. And seriously, enough with the PDA already...