Two major vampiric transformations took place on Episode 5 of "American Horror Story: Hotel," which aired on Wednesday (Nov. 4), and neither of them was very pretty. But we also learned the amazing backstory of Liz Taylor (Denis O'Hare) and how the Countess (Lady Gaga) helped her live her truth, and it was flipping beautiful.
Not all children vamps are chill.
Dr. Alex Lowe (Chloë Sevigny) tried to rescue a boy dying of respiratory failure by injecting him with a little of her blood. It worked, of course, but then he turned into a little killing machine and caused all hell to break loose at his school. Decidedly not the same kinda response she's used to around Holden and the rest of the Countess' blood children.
(When the SWAT Team arrives, all the kiddos have been turned and conspiratorially convince everyone that they were the victims of an attack and saw a masked man murder their teachers and administrators, so they're also manipulative AF.)
Alex later accepts the job of baby-sitting the Countess' little ones, but she'll probably have to answer for unleashing a gaggle of fifth-grade newborns into suburbia like this. Whoops.
Iris (Kathy Bates) was recently inducted into the blood-sucking brigade by her son Donovan (Matt Bomer) in a moment of son-ly compassion mixed with vengeful self-interest, and she is not exactly thrilled about being stuck in what she believes is an utterly undesirable state for the rest of eternity.
"I’m damned for eternity in this body, this dark meaningless little soul. My luck's never been worse," she moans over a martini of the Countess' secret stash dashed with a little triple sec by Liz Taylor the second she lays eyes on her.
"You never know when you’re going to get lucky, honey. You might try a little violet eyeshadow. It works for me every time," Liz offers brightly, the only one who officially knows of her news just yet, as she stalks back to her room.
But Iris has been volunteered by Donovan for Romona Royale (Angela Bassett) mission to get an in on the Countess, and she doesn't seem hot on her odds of besting anyone in her condition.
Thanks to a hipster-slashing pow wow with Liz Taylor, however, Iris feels refreshed and ready to start her second life, for real this time.
"It’s ironic that I never learned how to live until I died," she tells her new BFF.
John Lowe doesn't know.
John Lowe (Wes Bentley) never actually believed he was dining with the nation's most renowned and deadly serial killers in last week's gory episode, but he did believe he was rubbing elbows with someone who might be wicked AND responsible for the Ten Commandment killings he's been investigating.
But his Sarg just thinks he's lost his mind again and cuts him loose from the force. Tough break, but it's probably the right thing to do as Lowe is clearly starting to turn to old habits -- that is, his boozing -- and develop some new ones -- calling on Hypodermic Sally, for one thing.
He doesn't know that his soon-to-be-ex-wife is now a child of the night who's sleeping in a coffin with their kidnapped, vampire son, but now that he's no longer distracted by the whole work thing, he's probably going to start paying more attention to the home front soon.
Before she became the Hotel Cortez's all-knowing barkeep, Liz Taylor was once "a married man from Topeka" who had a wife and child and loved taking business trips most because that lone hotel stay was the only place in the world that felt free to be.
And in one fateful journey, Liz (then Nick Prior) came to know the Countess who could smell the woman beneath -- the real person that she was in her blood.
"You don’t lack beauty. You lack commitment. Let me help you. Become who you were born to be -- a goddess," she advises. With the help of a shaving razor, a little eye make-up and some fabulous earrings, the negligee look was finally complete and Liz was finally born. Of course, Liz was still on business and when her clients discovered the new sight, they were less than understanding. But Liz's new friend (and later, her employer) the Countess handled that duo of down-talkers.
"We have two selves - one the world needs us to be, compliant. And the shadow. Ignore it and life is only suffering," the Countess advises.