A lot of things only sorta happened on Thursday (Oct. 29)'s new episode of the "The Vampire Diaries" -- Damon (Ian Somerhalder) became an uncle, the show's first LGBT couple split up after a century together, and Bonnie (Kat Graham) successfully used the Phoenix Stone to resurrect the dead ... twice.
But what went down for sure -- as in oh yes that did just happen -- was that Stefan (Paul Wesley) and Caroline (Candice King) finally made it official, in more ways than one might we add, and everyone was freaking the f--k out.
Here are the most important things that happened in this week's episode.
The next level at last.The CW
Yep, we're talking about some Steroline bedroom behavior -- FINALLY.
First, the dynamic duo has to come up with a distraction for the nosiest heretics while Damon tries to resurrect his bargaining chip for Elena's body, and what's "the one thing no vampire can resist"? "A school dance."
And the Heaven and Hell-themed soiree at the local college campus has the desired effect of keeping Nora and Mary Lou occupied -- albeit, they spent an inordinate amount of time duking it out over the appropriate sexiness of Halloween costume fare in the modern era, but still. This gives Damon enough time and space to drag Oscar's lifeless bod -- in short, he was killed by Valerie to keep him from bringing back her evil stepfather, but that's kind of an afterthought of the episode, so whatevs -- over to Bonnie and Alaric and see what happens.The CW
After the party, though, Stefan and Caroline are finally able to trick the other heretics into removing Care's vervain skin spell -- which, TBH, is the only thing that's been dragging this thing out the past few weeks -- and BAM. It's sexy time.
Welllll, at first, Care shares her doubts about the whole Stefan used to be in lurrrrve with Valerie business because C'MON with what he wrote in that diary, but when he calls her his "girlfriend" and swoonily professes, "I’m thinking about you and about how you and I have had more history in the past five years than most people have had in a lifetime" ... well, it's all said and done after that. YOW.The CW
Jo's baaaaaackThe CW
Is it *really* even a surprise, at this point, when someone returns from the dead in this show? OK, so the other side is closed and blah blah blah excuse why the rules have changed, but this is "The Vampire Diaries," and being dead means squat on this show.
So, when Bonnie is able to bring back one of Lily's minions from the dead in trade for the return of Elena's coffin, Alaric's ready. Nevermind the fact that the zombie-vamp (is that what we should call him now?) is so thirsty in his after-afterlife that he has his way with a bus full of tourists who at first clap for what they think must be some surprise live-action performance portion of their town tour. Jo's body is hours away from decomposition, so it's go time. And go they do.
The flash-forward of this episode -- a new constant of the season, which we DIG -- shows 'Ric busting a sweat as he tries to fix one of his twin girls' dollies, so it must've worked. Where Jo is in that picture remains to be seen, however.
Damon says goodbye for now.The CW
Well, now we know the reason for Damon's favorite flavor of sauce. In a sob-worthy letter to Elena, Damon takes heed of his mother's sage advice to stop hovering over Elena's coffin and find out who he is without her -- or any of the Elena look-alikes he's been obsessed with his entire vamp life, for that matter. So, he finally decides to let go (for now) and we cannot even handle this right now.
Yes, you heard that correctly. Hell has frozen over. I’m writing it all down. Granted, I’m a half bottle in thanks to my 1950 Chateau Cheval Blanc. A bottle I waited 65 years to open. I used to spend nights sitting in my wine cellar convincing myself I could actually hear it age … but appreciating its beauty didn’t make time go by any faster. The bottle just waited on its shelf, torturing me while I waited for Katherine. And time stood still. Eventually I convinced myself that no sip of that wine could ever taste as good as I dreamt it would, so I hid the bottle and walked away. And that is the story of why I drink bourbon. I don’t know who I am without you, but I do know that as long as I’m with you, time will stand still. So who is Damon Salvatore without Elena Gilbert? A selfish friend. A jealous brother. A horrible son. Or maybe with a little luck I’ll do right by you. Because you may be a thousand years away or a hundred years away, but you’re still here with me and my heart is right there in that coffin with you. Until you come back to me.
Are you weeping right now, or is that just us? NOW WHAT.