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28 Burning Questions About 'Harry Potter And The Cursed Child’

Seriously, we're burning up like dying phoenixes over here.

Today we finally learned some more tantalizing details about "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child," the two-part play J.K. Rowling will bring to London next year. And yep, it's not a prequel -- instead it's a sequel about Harry's life after Hogwarts and how he relates to his angst-ridden son, Albus Severus Potter.

But that's not enough! We must know more, especially since so few of us are actually going to to be able to see it ourselves when it comes to West End in summer 2016. Here are all the questions we have about what to expect from the wizarding world, 19 years (well, four years if we're talking real life) after we last left Harry and his friends.

  1. Who is the cursed child?
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    Presumably it has to be Albus Severus Potter, Harry Potter's youngest son. Why else would they mention him?

  2. If Albus is the cursed child, is it a real curse or a metaphorical one?
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    Is he just stressed out about having to live up to his family name, or did somebody cast a bat-bogey hex on his face or something?

  3. Also, does he have to live in a snitch nest now?

    Seriously, what up, Albus. You can come out, it's all cool.

  4. Does this mean Harry Potter is a bad father?
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    Say it ain't so!

  5. Actually, what if he had to raise the kids all by himself?

    Ginny was a very important former Quidditch player, after all, so she was probably on the road a lot before she joined up with The Daily Prophet. And it's not like Harry has a whole lot of experience with positive family role models in his own childhood...

  6. What about the rest of Harry's kids, what are they up to right now?
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    Are they well adjusted? Eating right? How come Albus is the only one who's got big enough problems to get a play about himself? It's a middle child thing, isn't it?

  7. Will the play technically ever flash back to the time before the "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" epilogue?
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    The official description doesn't say!

  8. Will it take place in more than one room?

    We are here for some gorgeous theater sets, y'all.

  9. What events in the past nineteen years have been influenced by magic that we don't even know about?

    Like, did magic get Kate Middleton engaged? Probably, right? She is an enchantress.

  10. Will we see young Albus at Hogwarts?
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    YES PLEASE.

  11. Will he get bullied like Harry was?

    I sure hope not, but you never know. Kids are the worst.

  12. Has another dark wizard risen?
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    There's always a few skulking about, after all.

  13. Who else from the original books will return?

    Ginny, we're guessing, but what about Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the Weasley clan? Will we see Draco Malfoy?

  14. Will any of the actors from the movie franchise return to reprise their roles?

    Hey, you never know. DanRad does love the theater now.

  15. Do wizards have social media now?
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    What does the wizarding social media network look like? Is it called Floo-book?

  16. Has the wizarding world embraced synthetic wand-making technology in the past nineteen years?
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    Just saying, if Ron's wand had been made of plastic it would have been a lot sturdier.

  17. Will we get to see any house elves?
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    We're betting Harry would find an elf to pay and make part of the family if that's the case. But how would they bring them to life? Puppets? a Tupac-style hologram?

  18. What about other magical creatures, will we get to see those?
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    Does Harry have a new family owl now? *sob*

  19. Where do Harry and his family even live?
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    Are they in London as well, or do they live out in the country? Are they among muggles or is there a seperate wizarding community for them?

  20. What's Harry's job at the ministry like?

    He's described as "overworked" in the play's new description, so that's probably not good.

  21. Does he miss the good ol' days when he used to save the world from Voldemort on the regular?
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    I bet it's just like that "Saturday Night Live" sketch where he wanders around Hogwarts talking about how he used to own this school.

  22. Does he have his own chocolate frog card?
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    That's probably upsetting for Albus, given he's cursed and all.

  23. Will the play address how Harry was probably never taught math?
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    Being an adult without knowing how to do income taxes is hard.

  24. How hard was it for J.K. Rowling not to blurt out "NO IT'S A SEQUEL" anytime someone asked her if "The Cursed Child" is a prequel?
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    Probably very, right?

  25. How will us non-Londonians get to see it?
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    Will they record a performance so we can get DVDs and watch it forever and ever again on a constant loop along with the rest of our "Harry Potter" movies? Or will we have to be there in person? It's possible, but it might be tough.

  26. Do we seriously have to worry about Harry being unlikeable in adulthood?

    We're assuming not given how much J.K. loves him, but after losing Atticus Finch as a role model earlier this year, you can see why some readers might be nervous.

  27. And do we actually have to worry about anybody's marriages?
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    Will J.K. Rowling use this opportunity to break Ron and Hermione up, for example? Or is that just our inner Rita Skeeter talking?

  28. Does this mean Rowling will never do a book sequel?
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    Let's be real, probably not.