Over the past four years, moviegoing audiences worldwide have slowly but surely become enamored with Jessica Chastain; a modern-day Audrey (or a Katherine) if ever we've had one. From her dynamite, six-picture 2011 ("The Tree of Life," "The Help") to her Oscar-nominated 2012 ("Zero Dark Thirty") to this year, which has already included a Golden Globe nomination (for "A Most Violent Year") and the critical hit "The Martian," she's become America's most refined -- and arguably, most talented -- sweetheart, and a pretty sure bet for any movie studio who wants to sell an audience on their film.
However, until this Friday (October 16), one thing has always bothered me about Chastain: her Instagram. Specifically her Instagram name, "Chastainiac," which is a cute pun but in no way, shape or form captures the essence of who Jessica Chastain actually is. Because Jessica Chastain is not a maniac. Jessica Chastain is a poised, refined, modern-day woman who looks like she came out of the womb in Chanel, not a maniac-woman brand like NastyGal. Chastain wearing NastyGal would look about as natural as this photo of a dog dressed like spaghetti.
I mean, just look at her -- does this look like a maniac to you?
No, that looks like a woman who takes her mom to high tea at the Pierre Hotel every time she visits NYC. A woman who actually organizes her shoe closet, and has a great recipe for avocado toast. Which is why I'm just thrilled to announce that, thanks to "Crimson Peak," the Chastainiac has finally earned her nickname -- and not only because I really, really liked the movie (which Guillermo Del Toro really wants you to know is a gothic romance and not horror, thank you very much).
Basically, I'm just happy that Chastain, who has been solid in everything I've ever seen her in, has finally been given a film in which she can blow the f--k up and not play an emotionally put-together person. Chew a little scenery if she wants; and maybe even throw a hot plate full of scrambled eggs in some dumb biddy's face. (Yes, this is something that actually happens in "Crimson Peak.")
Because in case you haven't heard, Chastain's performance as Lady Lucille is the best part of the movie. She goes back and forth between snarky deadpan-style one-liners (in an almost campy English accent) to acting like a full-blown, knife-slashing psychopath with ease, as the hemlines of her sinister black gowns lightly brush the bloodied floor of the film's titular manse. It's a blast watching an actress who is known for Oscar-bait do everything in her power to try to scare people; to see a woman who is often best playing buttoned-up geniuses let her hair down (literally) and go all Kathy Bates in "Misery." We all know that classically likable characters are just a little bit boring, and we'd never want someone as talented as Chastain get locked in to a little bit boring.
So happy Friday, Jessica. I hope you spend your weekend screaming at basic b--ches in a weird British accent and downing bottomless Bloodys at a seedy dive bar -- but only if you post the evidence on Instagram.