Yesterday Stephenie Meyer completely blew our minds when she released a brand new "Twilight" book to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the series -- only this time, the genders are reversed, and a human boy, Beau, falls under the spell of a beautiful vampire girl, Edythe.
So, we have one question: when's this version of the YA classic going to get its own multi-million dollar film adaptation? It's no secret that Lionsgate's been actively searching for a new direction to take the franchise now that "Breaking Dawn" is done and Bella and Edward have gotten their happily ever after -- and their mini-movies, which were all created by up-and-coming female directors, were a great step in a new direction. But now they've got a brand new book to film!
OK, so it probably won't actually happen, because although there's some new things in "Twilight: Life And Death," it's still mostly the same story as the first book. But if someone does ever decide to greenlight this gender-swapped reimagining, we've already got your perfect cast list right here:
Beaufort SwanGetty Images
Beau is clumsy, tall, quiet, pale, and self conscious -- but if he's anything like Bella then he's also super attractive and has no idea. Matthew Lewis has years of experience playing a total dweeb as Neville Longbottom, and now he's exactly the type of dude every vampire would literally kill people to get at. Perfect!
Edythe CullenDVT/Star Max/ Getty Images
Edythe is described as "smaller" with reddish-brown, bronze colored hair and a college-aged look. Couple that with the fact that her predecessor, Robert Pattison, first became popular in the "Harry Potter" franchise, and the choice becomes clear: EMMA WATSON. Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Newcomer Alanna Saunders rocked the iconic role of Tiger Lily during NBC's "Peter Pan Live!" this past Christmas, and she could definitely do a lot with the object of Beau's kinda not-as-strong-as-the-ones-he-has-for-Edythe affections. Jules doesn't have as much pining to do as Jacob does, of course, but she does have experience losing out in a love triangle -- what's good, Wendy?
"Her legs went on forever," Meyer writes. "She looked like she might be the captain of the volleyball team, and I was pretty sure you wouldn’t want to get in the way of one of her spikes. she had dark, curly hair, pulled back in a messy ponytail." Clearly a role meant for Jennifer Lawrence, if she's willing to be, like, sixth billed.
Royal HaleGetty Images
Beau might have a bit of a crush on the new male Rosalie -- Brosalie? -- because he describes him as "too cool for this school," a star-athelete prom-king type with a glorious golden manbun. Y'all, there's no way that can be anyone other than Chris Hemsworth. I don't care that he's too old for the part, they're vampires and we can make it work. Bonus if we can get Tom Hiddleston in there somewhere, too.
Archie CullenImeh Akpanudosen/Getty Images)
The female version of Alice is "wiry" with "dark hair buzzed so short it was just a shadow across his scalp." Let's be real, Dylan O'Brien rocks that look like no other.
Jessamine HaleJoe Scarnici/FilmMagic
Like Jasper, Jessamine has honey-colored hair and a bit of an intense edge to her. "For some reason she made me think of this actress I had seen in an action movie a few weeks ago who took down a dozen guys with a machete," Beau tells us, saying that he didn't buy it at the time but could totally see Jessamie being that badass. You know who's pretty badass like that? Willa Holland on "Arrow." Sold!
Blond, gorgeous (the perfect blend of Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, and Marilyn Monroe according to Beau) and brilliant, as well a natural born leader, accomplished surgeon and the best non-human in all of existence. Charlize. Theron. End of discussion.
Earnest CullenMTV News/Colin Grey
The original Esmé is kind, nurturing, and super attractive in a warm and inviting way. She's supposed to feel kind of like a warm hug. Matt Bomer makes us feel like that for sure -- and he's got the perfect vampire cheekbones already.
As Charlie and his ex-wife Renée are the only two characters in the whole book that aren't significantly gender-swapped, it can only be assumed that Billy Burke and his beautiful mustache must once again step up and bring the dad swag. Clearly he is the constant of the Twilight multiverse.