Kimye had jaded sex on a hog, and so can you!
After what’s felt like “Sandlot” levels of FOR-EV-ER, Kanye West returns to the music video game with the Nick Knight-directed “Bound 2.” In it, we see Yeezy get down to making sweet, sweet, kinda disaffected love to his fianceé, Kim Kardashian.
Additionally, we may have learned the true reason behind ’Ye’s delay in releasing his second Yeezus single’s clip: bored motorcycle sex mastery. Yes, after watching the “BLKKK SKKKN HEAD” follow-up video, which transports Kimye from the heavily wooded forests of Canada’s Yukon Territory to the driest heats of the American Southwest, we have every reason to believe that he wasn’t turning his back on us, so much as he was turning inward to achieve perhaps his ultimate life goal.
Now, not to get all “Jackass” disclaimer on you, but you PROBABLY shouldn’t try this at home. (Or, in someone else’s home, unless you’ve gotten their expressed written consent, but that’s beside the point.) That said, if you ARE dead-set on having the bored-est, jaded-est, cross country-est, motorcycle-inest sex imaginable, then you should probably at least heed these handy dos and don’ts.
1.) Don’t make too much noise, or really emote at all.
You don’t want your partner to think you’re some kinda motorcycle sex newb, do you?
Remember: You’re, like, totally over this.
2.) Keep your eyes on the road! A pothole doesn’t care if you’re boning Kim Kardashian or Kim Jong-un…
… So always keep your eyes on the road.
3.) Similarly, HANDS ON THE HANDLEBARS.
This only applies to the driver. Obviously.
4.) Is your partner a spring? Then have your sexual moto-relations up north in the forests of Canada.
Are they more of an summer? Then the American Southwest it is!
Oh, look! A coyote!
5.) Don’t forget to stretch first!
6.) Above all, remember to keep all your easy-riding confined to a stationary motorcycle in front of a greenscreen.
+ Watch Kanye West’s “Bound 2″ video.
Photo credit: Def Jam Recordings / GIFs: MTV