Alison Gold must read ALL THE LETTERS.
Fresh from extolling the virtues of “Chinese Food,” YouTube prodigy Alison Gold is back to sew more seeds of wisdom. This time, she’s hitting us her video for “ABCDEFG,” which, in addition to reminding us of the order of the first seven letters of the alphabet, offers some super helpful tips for how to get your crush to notice you. Basically, Alison Gold is the new Mystery. Calling it.
Oh, and before we get into the Six Ways To Get Him To Notice You according to the Ian Hotchkiss and Chris Lowe-directed clip, we should note that this is the latest in entry in Patrice Wilson’s someday legendarily viral, meme-pop canon. (He plays the Mr. Rogers-y giant in “ABCDEFG,” FYI.) You can trust that the man behind in Rebecca Black’s “Friday” knows what he’s doing.
1.) Lean in close when you talk to him.
So close, that he literally has to push you away.
Boys love the attention!
Get more super legit crush tips, and watch Alison Gold’s “ABCDEFG” video after the jump.
2.) You attract more flies with honey than vinegar! Stay positive, and the boys will flock to you. Say yes to life!
Yes to strange, windowless vans that call themselves “Wilson’s Wagon”!
Yes to creepily instructive welcome mats!
3.) Show that you care about his interests. Does he like punch?
Then you like punch!
If we learned one thing from “Grease,” it’s that you should always change yourself for a guy. Wait, that explains so many awful relationships…
4.) Don’t be afraid to ask your friends for help, especially if your friends include an omnipotent, Mr. Rogers-esque giant…
A badass Cupid figure, complete with love arrows…
And off-brand Muppets. Because really, WHAT CAN’T MUPPETS DO??
5.) Don’t be afraid to dabble in potions!
6.) If all else fails, turn him into Chinese food.
Congratulations, you’ve now successfully made Chinese food at home! Wait, what was the point of this tutorial again? Oh, right.
+ Watch Alison Gold’s “ABCDEFG” video.
Photo credit: Patrice Wilson