BOOOOOOOOO! Who said that?
Probably DEFINITELY the ghost that, um, haunts Buzzworthy — erm, we mean BOOOOOOO-zzworthy!!!! Wait, you’re not scared? Well, if the ol’ “projecting our voices so you think that we’re ghosts” thing won’t work, then it looks like we’re gonna have to break out the bigger, scarier guns to haunt your Halloween.
Ready your souls, mortals, for below we have conjured up the most bone-chilling Horrifying Headlines straight out of your worst pop music-related nightmares! Imagine the most terrifying possible news that Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, and the rest of your faves could announce! Well, prepare yourself, because we’ve got ’em all. Not even One Direction’s Zayn Malik with his heavenly li’l kitten face is safe from the horror below. Flawlessly executed Vincent Price laugh!
Austin Mahone? WHAT?! NOPE. SHUT IT DOWN. TOO FAR. TOO FAAAAAAAAAR.
How horrible, and so unexpected! No, really, we figured that the “Wrecking Ball” singer would sooner throw out her twerk bone than even, like, get a cavity. But seriously, #PrayForMiley.
Having recently suffered a collapse, Miley’s tongue will never lick another sledgehammer as long as it lives. What better way to spend the resulting downtime than by teaming up with the “Venus” singer to devote itself to a cause — the cause of #FASHUNZ.
Check out more Horrifying Headlines after the jump… IF YOU DARE!
What if we present Taylor with an unexpected award? No? What about a basket of puppies wearing people clothes? No?? Uhhhh, what about a jack in the box? TAYLOR?! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Here’s how we envision the “This Is Us” collab between director David Fincher and Nine Inch Nails’ Trent Reznor: Harry Styles returns to his pre-fame job at the local taxidermist’s, run by an old man with vulture wings roughly stitched in where his arms should be. Zayn plays hide and seek with Niall and finds him, hours later, inside a rusty iron maiden. Lowering his voice, Liam whispers “I want to f*** you like an animal” into Louis’ ear, to which he responds, “Yeesh, buy a guy dinner first!” before dissolving into a swarm of locusts. GOOD FAMILY FUN.
We wake up. We put on our Sunday best. We arrive at the convention center. We check to make sure that our ticket to the gun show is safely tucked away in our pocket. It is. We walk up to the front gate. THE CONVENTION CENTER BURNS DOWN, AND THE GUN SHOW IS CANCELED. EVERYONE DIES, AND YOUR MOM FINDS YOUR GRINDR PROFILE. That, ladies and gentlemen, is but a FRACTION of the trauma we would feel were this headline about the “Recovery” singer actually true.
Et tu, Mike WiLL Made It? This news has literally shaken our entire world view to its core. We need to lie down. Bai.
Hell naw, Avril Lavigne’s not a motherf***ing princess anymore! These days, instead of singing Radiohead at the top of her lungs, the “Here’s To Never Growing Up” singer is more likely to sing the praises of Dave Eggers’ new novel at a calm, rational, indoor-voice level.
It’s OK, Bonnie McKee, some of our best friends are Canadian. Here, have some poutine.
+ Check out celebs’ Halloween costumes, watch a Throwback Thursday video of Justin Bieber from Halloween 2007, decide which horror movies to watch tonight, and get more spooky stuff on MTV’s Halloween home page.
Photo credit: Getty Images, Justin Bieber’s Instagram, Solomon Doley of MTV