Brendon Urie’s got plenty of reasons to be smiling right now, and it’s not just because Panic! At The Disco’s defiantly smart post-New Wave album, Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die!, is already one of the best releases of the year (no shade, Lorde. Or you, Miley.). And it’s not because hundreds of thousands (soon to be millions) of people have seen his almost-junk in the band’s buck-naked “Girls/Girls/Boys” D’Angelo tribute video. (I’ll tell you how it feels: It feels AWESOME to see dudes naked.)
He’s smiling because I showed him Buzzworthy’s latest internet obsession (don’t worry, “all cats” — I haven’t forgotten about you!), Starbucks “Drake Hands” videos, and then he made one of his own.
In case you stepped away from the Internet for a day (WTF, how could you? Stop insisting on going “outside”!), here’s what “Starbucks Drake Hands” videos are, besides a jumble of otherwise unrelated proper and common nouns: A dude recently hit on a random girl in a Starbucks, she reluctantly gave him her number, he later texted her an unsolicited video of him making “romance faces,” the likes of which are usually found only in karaoke videos from the early ’90s and covering his eyes with his hands while Drake’s “Hold On, We’re Going Home” plays in the background. Because that’s what ladies like. Who wouldn’t want a piece of that? Watch it below, if you can handle the cognitive dissonance of watching something be the best and the worst at the exact same time.
Now clearly I’m far from impartial when I say that Brendon Urie’s may be one of the best of the thousands of Drake Starbucks Hands videos out there. But as someone who’s devoted the past 20 or so hours to watching just about every “Starbucks Drake Hands video” available (someone has to, right? RIGHT?), I’d say this is probably the “Citizen Kane” of the budding genre. I’d also say that I feel like I just had eye sex.
Your move, Drake.
This guy, though!