Y'all ready for some #bangerz?
Miley Cyrus' hip-hop-meets-country-meets-pop-meets-ratchet fourth studio album, Bangerz, is finally here, and it's almost too much for words. From the #turntup party anthems like "We Can't Stop" and "SMS (Bangerz)" featuring Britney Spears to the heart-wrenchingly raw power ballads like "Wrecking Ball" and "Adore You," we're pretty much speechless -- insane right? We're usually, like, "Paging word vomit!" when we get the chance to talk about the "Miley: The Movement" star!
So, to give you the track-by-track review that Bangerz deserves, we've turned to the one poetic medium that always comes through when words fail: the GIF! And, as a special shout-out to Miley's husky baby Floyd, we've chosen only husky GIFs. So get ready, because if Miley's flawless genre-smashing album didn't drop you to the ground dead, these beyond adorable dog GIFs will.
1.) "ADORE YOU"
Beginning not with a #banger but with the softest of biew biews, the album's opening moments are definitely an unexpected venture into ballad territory -- not that there's anything wrong with that! As Miley's soft vocals ("When you say you love me/ Know I love you more/ And when you say you need me/ Know I need you more") effortlessly float over some slow-pulsing strings, you can't help but feel comforted.
2.) "WE CAN'T STOP"
What else can we say about the Mike WiLL Made It-produced song of the summer? If there's one moment that signaled the new ratchet Miley era, it's the release of "We Can't Stop" -- with the radical platinum blonde hair chop and twerking unicorn onesie coming in at a close second and third. For anyone who wasn't ready for this new NC-17 version of the young singer, well, just listen to the lyrics. It's her [NOUN] she can [VERB] if she wants to!
Check out the rest of our track-by-track review of Miley Cyrus' Bangerz after the jump.
3.) "SMS (BANGERZ)" FEATURING BRITNEY SPEARS
THE BRITNEY TRACK! So, it's not quite the life-changing cultural event that we expected (#CRUSHED), but whatever -- they're having fun together! Plus, Miley's Salt-N-Pepa-sampling collabo still makes for some "me time" strutting. Need to run downstairs to grab some milk but feel super gross? Play this. Oh, and shout-out to the "Work Bitch" singer's ability to make lyrics about acrophobia and hearses sound supa sexXxii.
4.) "4X4" FEATURING NELLY
Maybe I'm just getting hung up on the "Driving so fast 'bout to piss on myself" line, but all I can think of is that cray-cray astronaut lady who drove cross-country in an adult diaper to, like, pepper spray another astronaut who'd been getting too close to her astronaut lover or whatever. (#ASTRONAUTDRAMZ) Still, "The Ballad of Lisa Nowak" makes for some fast, rhythmic fun.
5.) "MY DARLIN'" FEATURING FUTURE
Interpolating the "Oh, my darlin'/ Stand by me" lyric from the classic Ben E. King tune, Miley's Future feature delivers the same haunting comfort that his duets with Rihanna and Ciara ("Loveeeeeee Song" and "Where You Go," respectively) brought. You're gonna wanna hold your baby -- or stuffed Boo the Bear teddy -- close for this one.
6.) "WRECKING BALL"
...And get ready to start fighting with 'em moments later! Ms. Milez's record-breaking breakup anthem hits hard (#isthisthingon) with its lyrics about building up emotional walls and knocking them down: "I never meant to start a war/ I just wanted you to let me in/ And instead of using force/ I guess I should've let you win."
7.) "LOVE MONEY PARTY" FEATURING BIG SEAN
This is basically like the "We Can't Stop" DGAF for the night gone next-level. While acknowledging that "Money ain't nothing but money," "Love ain't nothing but love," and "Party ain't nothing but a party," Miley channels her Id and declares: "Love, money, party/ Love, money, party/ We want love, money, party."
A decisive break from the alternating self-destructive party jamz and heart-wrenching tearjerkers, the Pharrell-produced "#GETITRIGHT" is an upbeat yet laid-back, whistle-friendly number. It's another solid '70s throwback from the former N.E.R.D. member that would fit in nicely with his previous work on Daft Punk's "Get Lucky" or Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines." Grab some friends, tropical drinks, and a handful of those goofy mini umbrellas, and try your damnedest to pretend it's still summer.
Love! Hate! Love! Hate! Mike WiLL overlays the climax of Miley's musical breakup with so many explosive synth pulses, you'd think a bomb went off in Casio City. (#FLAWLESSMETAPHOR) The lyrics describe an undesirable end that's for the best: "You told me that you wanted this/ I told you it was all yours/ If you're done with it/ Then what you say forever for?" Now, if we only we knew who this song was about!
10.) "FU" FEATURING FRENCH MONTANA
Not content with just mixing country, pop, and hip-hop, Miley keeps the innovation coming with this surprisingly cabaret-friendly track featuring French Montana. (Seriously, paging Amanda Palmer! We already know that you're down with the Miley covers!) We'll just let Ms. Milez's snarling, abbrev-laden lyrics speak for themselves: "I got two letters for you/ One of them is F/ And the other one is U," and later, "SMH I brushed a sin on you." Ouch.
11.) "DO MY THANG"
Building off of what "We Can't Stop" and "Love Money Party" already established. "Do My Thang" sees Miley Cyrus' DGAF mantra reach its apex: "Every single night and every single day/ I'mma do my thing, I'mma do my thing/ So don't you worry about me I'll be okay/ I'mma do my thing, cause I'mma do my thing." Well, you heard her!
12.) "MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT"
After all the DGAF partying and FU breakups, the unexpectedly nuanced lyrics are a welcome addition to the album: "You might think I'm crazy/ That I'm lost and foolish/ Leaving you behind/ Maybe you're right." Knowing that someone as super famous as Miley -- literally someone who technically NEVER needs to consider another person's side of events if she doesn't feel like it -- is willing to acknowledge her flaws is pretty inspiring.
13.) "SOMEONE ELSE"
Caught between wanting to keep the relationship alive ("I don't want to see you go") and letting it die with dignity ("I can't stand to see you there"), Miley's "Someone Else" displays a remarkable depth of emotional maturity. "I've turned into someone else," she concludes, and we couldn't be happier with the change -- er, movement. But, if you'll excuse us, we've gotta go eat some #feelings STAT.
Photo credit: RCA/ GIFs: aliibum, Husky Owners, butlercat, Gif Soup, your-dreams-are-never-too-big, stitchlovergirl96, alexandertheinnocent, your-dreams-are-never-too-big, hijustsmile, sea-clusion, suddenlygif, rose-clementine, thisrelatestomeme