You got this, Miley.
C'mon kids, let's rap. *Flips cap around.* *Pulls up a chair.* *Prays to iconic MTV SoCal Summer VJ Ray Munns that you think I'm cool.* We need to talk about Miley Cyrus' apparent pre-VMA limo freakout in "Miley: The Movement." -- momentarily losing her cool mere hours before her twerk-nasty "We Can't Stop" performance.
Near the end of last night's MTV documentary premiere, we see Miley pull up to the Video Music Awards' red carpet. Realizing that her driver had accidentally messed up her planned entrance by driving past the vintage New York City police car that she'd planned to really arrive in, Miley lets loose with the expletives. "Oh, hell no!" "This f****** sh**, it's been ruined, so f*** it, lemme just get outta the f****** car." "This looks f****** lame! Stop backing me the f*** up!" "Shut the -- are you f****** kidding me?" Basically, it was one of the most intense celebrity FUUUUUUUs we done ever laid eyes on.
But to be fair, is Miley really in the wrong? Erm, well... no actually. Let's get into it.
Watch Miley Cyrus' "Miley: The Movement" car ride freakout after the jump.
First of all, what's so bad about being a professional? How many times have you counted down the minutes to your fave's latest live performance or newest music video release, only to be disappointed in the sloppily executed end result? (None in my case. I only stan for KWEENS!)
Perfectionism -- what is it good for? A whole hell of a lot in the music biz, actually. To quote the "We Can't Stop" singer herself: "I want every time you see me -- it to be amazing. Everything has to be so huge. Everything we do has to be a moment." So from Miley's perspective, her arrival, another "moment" she'd meticulously choreographed for her fans' enjoyment, did not go as planned. So yeah, Miley's pissed off -- probably the first time anyone's ever been pissed that they missed riding in a cop car, in fact.
(Sidebar: Here's the vintage NYC police car in question. So bummed we were deprived of it!)
Actually, we think we'd be pissed, too. This vintage emerald police car's so pretty!
And a side view. Hmmmm, we may or may not have just gotten our #ManicureMonday inspiration...
Regardless, what happened once Miley actually stepped out of her vehicle in front of her fans, making the lesser entrance she hadn't intended? She turned it the f*** on. Because she is what? A PROFESSIONAL.
Sure, we don't necessarily need an army of Joan Crawfords running around providing our entertainment/ chopping down our beloved topiary sans invitation, but a little bit of that ole Hollywood "NO WIRE HANGERS" attitude is always welcome in our books. Mommie Dearests get sh** done!
What's worse, is the idea that someone would get mad at a mainstream pop star for displaying a li'l agency! HELLO, isn't one of the principal criticisms leveled against top-40 artists that they are just products of their producers and label execs? God forbid Miley make like Lady Gaga and try to make the Miley Cyrus name actually, ya know, reflect who Miley Cyrus is.
Besides, there's kind of an element of sexism at play when people criticize Miley, or any young female artist really, of being too bossy, too in control, too "bitchy" when it's their name and their reputation that's at stake. If we were charged with protecting our (albeit, nonexistent) multimillion-dollar, worldwide brand, you're damn right we'd risk coming off "like a total bitch" to get what we wanted.
We think Nicki Minaj summed it up best in her own 2010 MTV doc, "Nicki Minaj: My Time Now." The "High School" rapper expertly broke down the double standard that exists between how men and women in the music industry are viewed when they take control of their image -- the bossed-up/ bitch dichotomy, if you will. "When a man is assertive, he's a boss... He bossed-up," she explains. "No negative connotation behind bossed-up, but lots of negative connotation behind being a bitch." We'll just let Nicki take it from here.
Loves Kanye West, obvs, but when Kanye lets the public know that something didn't meet his extremely high, very exacting standards, he's likely to be excused as "artistic" or "eccentric" -- rather than dismissed as "just some bitch/ slut/ ho/ whatever." (Yeah, that's right. WE READ THE FACEBOOK COMMENTS.)
And if aaaaaaaaaaall that's enough to convince you that characterizing the "Wrecking Ball" singer's pre-VMA freakout as, well, a "freakout" is more than a little effed, just think about Boo the Bear. He was left sitting in that cop car UNATTENDED, all dressed up, crying his little bloodshot stoner bear eyes out. Wouldn't you, like Miley, kinda flip your lid knowing that you'd let li'l bb Boo down? We rest our case.
+ Watch Miley Cyrus freak out before the VMAs, watch Miley vacuum her private jet, watch "Miley: The Movement" in its entirety, check out our favorite Miley Cyrus quotes and GIFs from "Miley The Movement," and don't miss the deluxe edition of "Miley: The Movement" on MTV Sunday, Oct. 6 at 8 p.m., featuring a full 90 minutes of extended scenes and never-seen-before clips.
Photo credit: MTV/ GIFs: A Very Sweet Blog