Somewhere In America, Kevin Federline Is Drinking Coffee. Won't You Join Him? (PHOTO)

Bored tonight? Hit up Kevin Federline.

Grande iced red eye with soy! Thanks, Kevin!

Hey, how's it goin'? How's your Friday? Good? Got plans for tonight? Re-watching the "Dexter" finale? Yeah, that's cool. We heard it kinda sucked, but whatever. Well, if you wanna grab coffee or something, lemme know. I'll text Kevin Federline, 'cause he's usually down. No, really. Just yesterday I was casually G-chatting with K-Fed at work, as one does, when that 2 p.m. lull started kicking in...

Me: hayyyyy

K-Fed: hey guy

Me: omg this sea creature looks like cookie monster

K-Fed: lol wut

Me: buh. i'm so tired.

K-Fed: u dozin buddy?

Me: mhm rull hard. kevin could yooooooooou maybe get me some coffee? plz plz plz plz plz

K-Fed: sure thing

Kevin Federline is no longer available.

Me: ily

Me: oh

Me: :'(

OK, so full disclosure: None of this was real. In the photo above, Kevin was just out on a regular ole Starbucks and sandwiches run when he was snapped by the paparazzi. So, this exchange between me and the father of Britney Spears' adorable two sons never technically happened, unless you count in my wildest dreams -- which I will. #DreamBig #PopoZão

Photo credit: WENN