Miley Cyrus’ Sex-Crazed VMA Performance Make These 5 Hannah Montana Toys Feel A Little Creepy At This Point

Miley Cyrus’ VMA performance has hereby ruined anything Hannah Montana-related. Fare thee well, innocence!

In case you haven’t heard, Miley Cyrus performed at the VMAs! And whether her almost-too-hot-for TV (but not for MTV!) VMA performance of “We Can’t Stop”/ “Blurred Lines” was too much of a good thing, too much of a bad thing or not enough bear sex isn’t our place to judge. Internet, people qualified to criticize because they have a keyboard and an Internet connection? You decide! It’s just our job to bring you a nearly nude Miley Cyrus in Latex underwear grinding up against Robin Thicke as 2 Chainz goes “YEAH” in the background! The rest is just details. And by details, we mean ass-motorboating and Robin Thicke’s “Beetlejuice” suit.

Potato potato. So while the angry hoardes of Internet yay/nay-ayers debate the merits of Miley’s performance, there is one thing that we can say with absolute confidence: Hannah Montana is dead and gone. R.I.P. to the girl she used to be.

Which means that now that this image of Miley Cyrus is permanently burned into our brain:

We’ll probably never look at this image of Miley Cyrus the same way ever again…

You know what we also probably won’t look at the same again? Pretty much all Hannah Montana merchandise.

Take a look at a few other pieces of Hannah Montana merchandise that now feel particularly creepy considering Miley, you know, rubbed herself with a giant foam finger at the VMAs:

1.) VIBRATING HANNAH MONTANA TOOTHBRUSH: This vibrating Hannah Montana toothbrush. Because, you know. Oral hygiene and stuff.

Check out more Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana stuff we’ll never look at the same way again after the jump!

2.) HANNAH MONTANA “TREAT SACK”: There’s nothing, like, say, inherently wrong with a plastic bag with the likeness of a fallen Disney princess, but please bear in mind that this is referred to as a “Hannah Montana ’treat sack,'” and just, like “treat sack”? No, please. Please? No.

3.) HANNAH MONTANA “BLOWER”: Again, nothing  inherently wrong with a party-fun-time “blower,” but this Hannah Montana “blower,” as it’s called, is just, you know, with the mouth, and the blowing. Might as well leave well enough alone.

4.) HANNAH MONTANA MUSIC STICK PLAYER FOR CHILDREN: This is a 1-GB Hannah Montana music stick player, and it should probably be avoided first and foremost because it looks like it sucks, but also, you know. Miley Cyrus: Not for children.

5.) CREEPY PHALLIC HANNAH MONTANA CANDLE FOR CHILDREN’S BIRTHDAY PARTIES: This is allegedly a Hannah Montana candle, but I’m not even confident about that. I am, however, sure that it’s got a front, back, and it’s shaped like something that definitely doesn’t feel child-friendly.


Video Music Award 2013 winners, red carpet photos, and the full VMA show free on demand at

Photo credit: MTV