Take a seat, JB. We need to have a talk.
We’ve been thinking about this for a while, and, like Justin Bieber’s composure of his bodily fluids, we simply can’t keep it INSIDE anymore. To recap: In the past year, Bieber has vomited on stage, relieved himself in a mop bucket, and last week, spat over a balcony in Toronto as a crowd of Beliebers looked up from below.
To be fair, Justin’s rep has since confirmed that Justin didn’t spit ON anyone because duh, you guys, he loves his fans. We belieb that he would never dare diss his supporters (especially not in his native land of Canada!). And it should go without saying that we count ourselves in that group. (Guess how many shriek-muffled Instagram videos we’ve recorded during his concerts… just this week?). But excuse our prissiness — we have to clutch our pearls for a hot sec and throw just a modicum of shade.
+ Let’s talk more about Justin Bieber’s bodily fluids after the jump.
BIEBS, drool is NOT COOL, and this whole scene is all very Ryan Reynolds spit-torturing his li’l bro in “Just Friends.” Never saying never is a great policy, except when it relates to public displays of barf, a monster McWhiz, or saliva. Justin, we get it. “When nature calls,” and all that. But sometimes you just have to wait until Nature texts you later or at a more opportune time. In short: When it comes to bodily fluids, stage sweat is sexy, but spit is not #swag. Don’t make us have to wonder if there’s a reason you prefer those saggy pants, ’kay?
Anyway, I think it goes without saying that we all have questions about Justin Bieber’s choices, be they saliva- or monkey-related. But hey, maybe we’ll find out why Justin does the things he does starting Saturday, Aug. 3, at 8 p.m. ET during “Bieber O’Clock,” which will feature exclusive interviews with JB himself (which may or may not touch on his hocking inappropriate loogs). And even better: It all leads up to the television premiere of his 2011 film, “Justin Bieber: Never Say Never.”
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