The director's cut of "We Can't Stop" is basically, like, Mileys Gone Wild.
Hey, remember how Miley Cyrus' "We Can't Stop" video had that "CENSORED" nameplate-like piece of jewelry over her mouth, and later there's that kid swinging around a malfunctioning light-up sign that can only display "U-C-K" and not the full four-letter word? Well, turns out those were CLUES ALL ALONG that the noted onesie enthusiast and VMA nominee wasn't done with us yet. Aaaand that brings us to Miley's just-dropped "We Can't Stop" director's cut, which comes packed more booty popping and dropping than the hardly kid-friendly original. The clues were there the whole time. #LongCon, y'all, #LONGCON.
Watch Miley Cyrus' "We Can't Stop (Director's Cut)" video after the jump.
Right from the start, you know that director Diane Martel's unrestrained vision is gonna get raunchier. Notice who's mysteriously absent from the party? That's right, those little egg-like EOS lip balms and the pill-shaped Beats by Dre speakers were, uh, busy washing their hair or something. Too bad! They missed a whole lotta under- AND side-booty...
The official under- and side-boob of F/W 2014
...Not to mention extended twerk scenes and way more risque dance moves.
We think this one's called the "Can't Be Tamed."
Even re-ordering certain scenes helps Christina Aguilera-dirrty-fy the new cut. Like, in the original version, when that couple walks out from behind the bushes, they came out at "'Cause we came to have so much fun now" as if they're just arriving to the party. Now, they emerge at "Bet somebody here might get some now." WELL HELLO, new meaning, didn't seeya there!
If it was 1997 and cracking Austin Powers jokes were still the HEIGHT of comedy, this is where we'd say "OH, BEHAVE!"
But not everything's dirrrtified: There's plenty of newly added stuff that definitely would've made the (relatively) sanitized original. Like when Miley starts kissing this puppy (aka Floyd, her IRL dog!)...
...And every parent's worst nightmare: KARAOKE.
Next thing you know, they'll be doing the "Cha-Cha Slide"!
But hey, maybe we're just not up on the latest trends. Wait, aren't we?! Are "pup-kiss parties" the latest scare tactic Oprah's warning parents about? Is howling "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" completely off-key actually the new "grinding"???? Are we out of the coolness loop? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US. If you were really our friend you would have told us. We're in a fight. OK, fight over, let's practice our #SideButt posing.
Photo credit: RCA