Everyone, meet Justin Bieber’s mustache. Mustache, meet everyone.
Justin Bieber hasn’t exactly had the best couple of weeks. There have been ill -advised adult diaper pants and even more ill-advised gas mask situations. He’s passed out backstage, he had the WORST BIRTHDAY EVER, and his ex GF Selena Gomez is cracking light jokes at his expense on “Letterman.” Man, the dude’s pet hamster even died! What else could POSSIBLY go wrong?? We’ll tell you what: the time Justin Bieber decided to grow a mustache. (We’re using the words “grow” and “mustache” loosely, btw.) That’s right, our precious baby Biebs has officially collected enough testosterone to fuel his follicles (which we totally called, by the way). Can you see it? See, there it is! Whoops, lost it again.
Read more about Justin Bieber’s new mustache after the jump.
Posing with his brand-new pet (too soon?), Justin snapped the above photo on Instagram with the caption “And Rick my stash.” Now that we’ve had a moment to take in Justin’s delicate crop dusting (and that unfortunate green velvet-looking robe-shirt thing), we’re totally having an internal debate over whether JB’s ’mo resembles a typical teenage dirt ’stache or a crustache (the crustache would be our choice — at least there’s food involved!).
Look, Justin, babe, we know you’re a 19-year-old man now. We also know you’ve had a rough go of it lately what with all the h8ters, and maybe you want to armor yourself by a layer of verifiable hirsuteness. We support that. We’re just not rooting for you to look like a younger version of Christopher Walken as The Continental. So, please, for the love of humanity, buzz that caterpillar right off before it morphs into a full-blown bearded butterfly. It’s not you, it’s society — NOBODY looks good with a mustache (unless they’re Tom Selleck). Now, get thee to a bathroom sink before we’re forced to come at you with the depilatory cream.
Photo credit: @justinbieber