This isn't Justin Bieber's "Dr. Dolittle 3" audition. He just became the proud dad of a hamster!
Congratulations to Justin Bieber! He's the proud new owner of the rodent's only adorable subfamily, the hamster. (Science classification, wut wut.) No idea what "Pac" means or stands for, but it's every parent's right to name their kin.
As a former hamster mom myself (rest in nocturnal peace, sweet Skipper Dee), I have some concerns about Justin's new friend. I mean, Justin did auction off his last pet, Johnson the snake. Granted, the proceeds went to charity, and he brought Johnson as his date to the 2011 VMAs just to make Selena Gomez squirm. But hamsters are a whole different animal (heh). They are delicate. Snakes eat hamsters, so actually, abandoning Johnson probably worked out for Pac. Getting rid of its No. 1 predator was Bieber's first ace move as a hamster owner. Forget what I said about abandoning Johnson. BUT! I'm still feeling concerned.
As the official "Believe" tour pet, Justin's entourage will babysit Pac while Biebs is onstage. So it's crucial someone writes down these rules and tapes them all over the tour bus:
Find out more about Justin Bieber's hamster and the gentle care it deserves after the jump.
1.) If you squeeze a hamster too hard, their eyes will bug out. Don't do it.
2.) Milk doesn't agree with Justin or hamsters. Have Pac stick to a diet of carrots, sunflower seeds, and Pop-Tarts.
3.) Hamsters don't like swimming in toilets, and they really hate Bath & Body Works' now-discontinued "Juniper Breeze" body spray. There is no such thing as hamster hygiene.
4.) Despite the endless, sensory-debilitating noise, don't rip Pac's hamster wheel from his cage just because it's keeping you up at night. He needs it for his well-being. (Like, think about if the electricity gods suddenly took away the internet. You'd DIE of boredom.) Anyway, you're a parent now. You put yourself last.
5.) Hamster is such a weird word, you know? Like, the more you say it, the weirder it sounds. Hamster. Hamster. HAMSTER. Ham...ster?
6.) Last, please know that hamsters go missing all the time. Don't tell anyone -- he'll show up eventually.
Bieber has a really big heart, so I'm sure Pac will live as long and as well as Skipper Dee. Those were the brightest five weeks of my childhood.
Best of luck to you and Pac, Biebs!
Photo credit: @justinbieber