Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are getting married. DON'T MESS IT UP, sister.
Dear Jessica Biel,
So! Apparently you're ready to marry Justin Timberlake! That's funny. BECAUSE I AM, TOO!
So, you told French magazine Gala that "I don't think our marriage will change anything. [But] it will be a challenge finding a balance between my private life, family and work, and I'm ready."
Actually Jessica? Marrying Justin will change EVERYTHING. Who needs homemade zucchini fritters (though they DO sound tempting) when you'll be surviving on JUSTINANCE alone? Girl, he's going to be bringing Sexy Back, Southern Hospitality and intentional wardrobe malfunctions to your RESIDENCE on a daily for the rest of your lives! So rock that Team TimBIELake ring proudly, 'k?
Wait, I was just going to tell you something... What was it? Sorry. I got distracted by the thought of what I'd do if Justin wrote me a symphony just to say how much I mean to him. (The answer is not NSFW.) Oh wait. I remember: I'M THE ONLY WOMAN FOR JUSTIN. As far as I'm concerned, he wrote "My Love" about me. Do I need to get Grandma Bomar to back me up?
But seriously, I wish you the best of luck. Kind of. Shutever.
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