Happy Birthday, Katy Perry!

OK Katy Perry, we truly hope you have an amazing 27th birthday and all, but don't you think it's a tad rude to make the rest of the world's 27-year-olds feel totally inadequate? I mean, you're NOT EVEN 30 YET and you've already married the man of your dreams, toured the world, broken Billboard records and been nominated for a bazillion awards. Oh, and like we even need to say it: You're also reeeeeeally pretty!

We haven't even gotten into your personality yet! You're mad cool! You indulge in your zombie tendencies, you're big into oral hygiene, you don't mind farts and you're totally down to be "one of us" for the day by doing normal things like riding public roller coasters. You're seriously OWNING the multifaceted game.

So now that you've already accomplished being perfect on the inside and out, go celebrate your day! Maybe snuggle up in bed with your hot hubby Russell Brand and watch a "Real Housewives" marathon while eating unlimited amounts of sashimi. Or maybe just do what I did on my last birthday go around the corner to Baskin Robbins and get yourself an ice cream cake. Wait, who are we kidding? If we were you, we'd charter a private jet to Paris, have a shopping spree at Chanel, and like, rent out the Eiffel Tower... just 'cause we can.

Whatever you do decide to do today, Katy, we wish you the happiest of birthdays! And if there's an extra seat on that private jet, we can clear some room on our schedules.