An Open Letter To Nick Carter Regarding His 65-Pound Weight Loss

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Dear Nick Carter,

Um, way to go on your majorly impressive weight loss of 65 POUNDS. You are no longer Larger Than Life in that sense of the phrase. That's some Jared of Subway stuff right there.

We give you props for overcoming your ten-year addiction to drugs and alcohol and getting clean, sober, and healthy. Your solo album, slated to debut on May 24 may be titled I'm Taking Off, featuring the single, "Just One Kiss," and we give you credit for taking it ALL off -- all 65 pounds of it healthfully, through diet and exercise. You've proved once and for all that not food, nor alcohol, nor drugs are your fire NOR your one desire. Why? Because you Want It That Way. We totally think Lady Gaga would let you achieve your not-so-secret goal of kissing her. Looking good, Carter! We look forward to your seeing your new svelte bod on tour with NKOTBSB.

Toodles,

Us