Justin Bieber Anointeth The Cover Of Seventeen Magazine

He's not even 17, but Justin Bieber is blessing the cover of Seventeen magazine with his holy presence. The magazine comes with not one, not even two nor three but FOUR Justin Bieber posters! That's like having four Christmases in a row.

The Seventeen article isn't exactly a probing piece on the Beebs -- you already knew his first kiss was at 13 and that his celebrity crush is on Beyoncé. Or at least I did. But I did NOT know that Justin Bieber's favorite fast food is Subway. Mine's Taco Bell, so unfortunately that's one less thing I have in common with him, and probably one more thing standing in my way of becoming Mrs. Justin Bieber. But if you'd like to potentially becoming Justin Bieber's girlfriend, Seventeen has helpfully included a quiz to determine the likelihood of that happening.

The Seventeen interview also goes on to reveal a kind of sadly existential side of Justin Bieber: When asked what he dreamed of recently, he answered, "I dreamt about blackness because I don’t dream. I just fall asleep, see black and wake up." Dude, I'm sorry, but that is a bummer. Sweeter dreams, Justin Bieber. Sweeter dreams.