HORRENDOUS news, dear readers! THE SCRUNCHIE IS MAKING A COMEBACK… if I’m to believe everything American Apparel suggests, which I don’t because they’ve suggested wearing tube socks with no shirts and tights with no… anything.
Now, American Apparel, known for taking it too far (careful — link NSFW), has taken it REALLY, SERIOUSLY TOO FAR with the reintroduction of the scrunchie. If you weren’t around for Scrunchies 1.0, consider yourself lucky. (I was there for scrunchies the first time around. I wore them because I was too young and ignorant to know better. But then again, I don’t think human beings are programmed to repeat the mistakes of the past; I once also accidentally stepped on an electrical cord in the middle of the night. It hurt so effing much that I thought I was going to die. So, now I know never to do that again! See how that works!)
As you know, celebrities LOVE dumb fashion trends. So, who do you think will be the FIRST celebrity to rock the scrunchie? And Natalie Morales doesn’t count because who cares about her? Lady Sovereign’s retired hers. (Yay!) Madonna already wore something that looked like the WORLD’S BIGGEST, LEAST FORTUNATE scrunchie to the 2009 Met Costume Gala, but she doesn’t count because she’s a baby thief. My money’s on Gaga.
PS: If you’re wearing a scrunchie right now, it’s okay. Maybe you’re an Olympic gymnast. Maybe you didn’t know better. Now you do. All you need to do is remove it from your head (isn’t that better ALREADY?), grab a hairbrush, and hit yourself upside the head three or four times. Good! Done? Now do it again.