Top 5 Reasons Why Kanye Samples Every Song Ever Written

As "the voice of his generation," a prolific blogger, self-proclaimed religious figure, and Pee Wee Herman impersonator, we wondered when the hull Kanye West ever finds time to make any music. But then we saw this video mashie of every single song Kanye's ever sampled in the history of ever, and we finally figured it all out: like a girly-girl at the makeup counter at the mall, the dude is addicted to samples.

So, here are the top 5 reasons why Kanye CANNOT stop sampling other people's goods:

5. What's old is new again: Kanye recognizes that you've got look back in order to look forward. And the best way to do this is to, you know, not reinvent the wheel. So he likes to channel the Beatles and Jimi Hendrix and Curtis Mayfield, since he sampled the hell out of "Move On Up" for "Touch the Sky."

4. Girls, girls, girls: Sampling songs helps you get in with a whoooole lotta model chicks (and if there's one thing we know about Kanye West, it's that he lurves model chicks). For ex, he sampled Marvin Gaye's "Distant Lover" (Marvin Gaye = instant panty-droppin' "in" with the femmes) for his "Spaceship" jam, probs in the hopes that it would help him track down "the right girl" (or maybe other scantily clothed hunnies for his blawg or amazin' asses for his videos).

3. If award ceremonies are "fixed," you may as well up your chances of winning by sampling songs that have already gotten some metal, right?

2. It doesn't hurt the whole legend status thing: when you're laying down beats by Chaka Khan -- he parlayed "Through the Fire" into "Through the Wire" -- or Elton John -- Kanye used "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" on "Good Morning" -- over your own music, it's a pretty good way to remind everyone that you're a legend in your own mind. So, in case anyone missed it: Jesus walks ... and poses for the cover of Rolling Stone.

1. The more songs he samples, the more superstars he meets = WAY more stuff to blog about.

In summary, if sampling works for Costco (did you ever try those little eggrolls the old ladies hand out with the little toothpicks!? TDF!), it works for the Louis Vuitton don.

Also, sampling leaves loads more time for "normal people stuff" like Twittering ... and interning.