Amazing Mugshots + Mariah's Talk Box Dreams?

The new year is barely a few days old, but that's still been lots of time for lots of people to make lots of really bad decisions, like Lindsay Lohan's to take a wagon-tumbling swig of bubbly while partying in Italy. And this hot mess Kumari Fulbright, who got busted for kidnapping her ex, tying him up, biting him (!!!), and brandishing various weapons all over the place until he finally escaped. And all of that's pretty much the least of her problems (considering she was a law student and clerk), all of which netted her one of the best mugshots we've ever seen:


(Photo via

Does that not look like a cross between Chris Crocker and a circa-2003 Nicole Richie? Mischa Barton looked way hotter in her mugshot.

Anyway, there are still 362 days' worth of bad decisions, ideas and aspirations to come to fruition in 2008. And one of those happens to be Mariah Carey's wish to own a speech synthesizer, like the one Stephen Hawking uses -- you know, because he has no choice? Because he's paralyzed and can't speak?

According to, Mariah told Britain's Q magazine, "Before a big show I have to do 'vocal rest' where I'm not allowed to speak for two days. It's so boring having to write notes to everyone! I need Stephen Hawking's voice machine for when I’m on vocal rest. I’d like a machine where I can just think and it comes out in a robot voice -- that would be amazing!"

Amazing? Um, more like the WORST THING EVER (and, by the way, jotting down notes on a pad for two days once in a while is boring? We'd imagine that's not as boring as permanently BEING IN A WHEELCHAIR!) unless, of course, a Mariah Carey-Stephen Hawking duet were a result. And Mariah saying fewer stupid things in magazines. But we're not holding our breath. Instead, we're gonna watch No Doubt's classic "Don't Speak" video, in hopes that Mariah never gets her hands on a talk box, and Snoop's funked-out new "Sensual Seduction" video, because we're glad he did.

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