PRODUCT OF THE DAY: “Everybody Hurts: An Essential Guide to Emo Culture”

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Lest you think all we style fiends like to do all day is look at pretty pictures, today's Product of the Day is an actual BOOK. With papers and words in it. Okay, so it's got a bunch of pictures too, but hear us out.

The book's called "Everybody Hurts: An Essential Guide to Emo Culture," and we cannot even tell you how hard we nearly R(OTF)'ed as we LOL'ed throughout the whole thing.

Authors Trevor Kelley and Leslie Simon, seen here, obviously not smiling:

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...take you on a guided tour of emo and all of its iterations, permutations, questionable hairstyles and hyper-specific fashion choices, hilariously outing Panic! At the Disco for dressing like Shakespeare (the o.g. bard of emo!) and nailing "that guy" for being un-emo enough to play sports. And if you are that guy or girl, don't worry. There's help to be had.

To the uninitiated, emo's hair-splitting dos and don'ts may seem superfluous or even random. But Kelley and Simon break down both the art and the science behind the emo lifestyle (because emo's SO much more than just music -- there are even emo foods, with an entire chapter devoted just to the emo lifestyle's cuisine) and school your ass in the myriad hairstyles, shoes, TV shows, even solid-colored Tee-shirts that are all either definitely or most certainly NOT emo.

A few examples:

Totally Emo: Crying, Livejournal, guy-liner, Clandestine Industries, the movie "Donnie Darko"

Nevers: Wearing anything Tommy Hilfiger ever, carpenter pants, sports, smiling, sunshine

Here's a visual example:

These shoes are emo:

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($34, by Punkrose @ pinupgirlclothing.com -- itself a very emo name!)

These shoes are not emo:

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($119.95 by Timberland @ Shoebuy.com)

Anyway, if you are emo, this book is 256 life-affirming pages of just how perfectly emo you are. And if you're not, well then you've got your work cut out for you. And you should start with this how-to manual, which is in stores now.