Earlier this year, Brooding YA Hero, a.k.a. Broody started a twitter account to share the ups and downs of being a, well... Brooding YA hero. You can follow him at @broodingYAhero to read gems like these:
His tweets make us swoon and giggle, and remind us why we can’t help but love him -- even though we’re smart enough to know better.
Therefore, I was positively giddy when Broody agreed to an interview with MTV News. Unfortunately, he was so busy
stalking watching getting to know his quirky lady love that he didn't have time for a face-to-face meeting. Which is just as well, since his perfectly chiseled face and jewel-colored eyes would have turned me into a shaking, tongue-tied mess. Thankfully, his PR Rep Carrie DiRisio acted as the go-between to provide his enlightening answers.
MTV News: We’re thrilled to have you with us, Brooding YA Hero. May I call you Broody? Or do you have another name you prefer?
Brooding YA Hero: You can call me Broody. Everyone does. Except my father. He calls me “Broodington” and his voice is as cold as his cold, cold heart.
MTV: I’m sorry to hear that, Broody. Although you seem too cool to care what other people think... Which makes me curious, why did you decide to join Twitter?
Broody: I’ve got a lot of a feelings and it seemed like the best place to be for that. It’s like a vortex of feelings.
MTV: I read this recent tweet:
So what is it about clumsy girls that is so attractive to you?
Broody: It makes the whole “falling into my arms” thing way easier. Have you ever tried to sweep a NON-clumsy person off their feet? End result is more like a football tackle.
MTV: If I -— uh, I mean, if someone wanted to get your attention, should she trip where you have to catch her, spill soda on you, drop her books on your foot, or is there another secret to catching your eye that will work better?
Broody: All I need is some narration ensuring she’s the main character. Clumsiness is great, but so are many other things. You know, a prophecy making her the chosen one, or she’s a mythical creature or she could have some sort of terrible luck and insult my current girlfriend... or all three! That would be awesome.
MTV: That’s helpful to know. But then... why do you usually date beautiful girls who are such evil people?
Broody: They’re a good way to kill time until the main character transfers into the school. Besides, if you date someone nice, it’s really hard to dump them for shallow reasons.
MTV: You seem to get entangled in a lot of love triangles – is there a reason for that?
Broody: I’m really good at geometry.
MTV: In a love triangle, would you rather be the chooser or one of the choose-ees?
Broody: Whichever one gets more screen time. Or the better looking actor. Between you and me, sometimes Hollywood doesn’t do my incredible good looks enough justice. That always makes me storm off on my motorcycle until I find a nice remote forest to cry in.
MTV: Speaking of your incredible good looks, your eyes seem to make girls forget their other, extremely valid concerns... what makes your glittering orbs so hypnotizing?
Broody: Gazing into my eyes reveals your future. aka a three book deal and a four-part movie series.
MTV: While we’re on the subject of eyes, I enjoyed this tweet:
Just how many different emotions/phrases/novellas would you say your eyebrows are able to convey?
Broody: I’ll let them answer this question...
MTV: It looks like your eyebrows get as much of a workout as your rippling muscles. Broody, I’m dying to know how you achieve such perfectly sculpted abs?
Broody: Watching gifs of that guy from Arrow working out.
MTV: So on to other subjects, I--
*gasp* How did you know? Uh, I mean, that’s silly that people want to touch your hair. Is there a special technique you use to achieve that tousled look, and how long does it take?
Broody: I skip every class in order to style my hair. All it takes is a magic spell, which requires me to sacrifice my book’s plot over a fire which is made from my author’s dreams of prestigious literary awards. Simple really.
MTV: I’m sure your teeth are perfectly straight and dazzlingly white, so why don’t you ever smile, Broody?
Broody: A smile from me would cause the next dystopian world. The moon would explode. Cars would veer off roads. The seas would cover the earth. It’s that beautiful of a smile.
MTV: You’re good-looking, popular, and rich, so I have to ask, what the heck are you brooding about?
Broody: No one loves me. Or understands me. And I’m never a main character until the new girl appears.
MTV: I’m sure there’s someone here, uh, I mean, out there who loves you. But is that why you don’t trust people?
Broody: This one time, someone did something that made me sad. And now I can never trust again. By the way, that thing was ending my book series on a cliff-hanger, and never giving me a proper ending. I never even got a movie!
MTV: Are these trust issues why it’s so difficult for you to admit your true feelings to your love interest?
Broody: I’m terrified of our relationship progressing to that “we know we like each other and now we watch Netflix in our PJ’s level.” Way too scary. I’d much rather keep it at the “we trade sarcastic insults and sometimes she spills things on me” level.
MTV: Do you practice talking in ways that will confuse her about who you really love?
Broody: Nah. I usually just drink some of my father’s stolen whiskey and read poetry in Ancient Greek before trying to talk to her. That usually does it. Maybe I’ll toss in some Ed Sheeran lyrics to seem extra deep and confusing. (Even though I’m personally a much bigger fan of Taylor Swift, but please keep that secret between us.)
MTV: But I’ve read your books, Broody! Has keeping a secret ever led to a happy outcome?
Broody: I mean it usually gets me a sequel, so I can’t complain.
MTV: Speaking of happy outcomes, every kiss from you seems perfect. Care to share your secret?
Broody: Chapstick and a really good soundtrack. Usually a slowed down remix of a pop song or a new hit slow song. You know, something every single high school dance will play for the next three years.
And, not to brag or anything, but I’ve had a lot of practice.
MTV: You’re attracted to her because she’s so independent but then get upset when she does her own thing … care to comment on your hypocrisy?
Broody: That word is rather long and I have no idea what it means. I just think it’s important for my loved one’s entire world to revolve around me. That’s why you’re interviewing me, right? Because everything really is all about me.
MTV: Yes, and it seems others agree, too, since you’re often called upon to save the world. What makes you qualified for this vital job?
Broody: My jawline is sharp enough to shear rock, and my biceps are bigger than a small child. I can also growl my concern for my love interest in three tones of voice. Like I need any other qualifications.
MTV: But while trying to save the world, you are often distracted by romantic feelings... Why do you care so little for humanity?
Broody: What has humanity done for me? Nothing. It doesn’t care about me. Doesn’t even remember my birthday. Doesn’t ever say hello. Humanity hates me.
MTV: I can assure you that not all of humanity hates you. In fact some of us... really like you.
Anyway, is there anything else you’d like to share about your charmed life, which you weirdly seem to hate?
Broody: It’s really really hard being really good looking and incredibly wealthy.
Also, thanks for reminding the world that it really does revolve around me.