"American Horror Story" has a whole lot of wonderful things going for it. Like its stellar A-list cast, for example, and its willingness to explore difficult thematic content (like violence, religious mania, and abuse) in a thoughtful way.
One thing it does not have going for it, however, is healthy relationships to look up to. From the liars and adulterers of "Murder House" to the abusers of "Asylum," the murderers of "Coven" and back again, "AHS" has given us approximately zero #relationshipgoals to look up to. However, there is a silver lining, here, in that our own love lives seem wonderfully normal and non-murderous in comparison!
Below, let us counteth the ways:
When Hank and Cordelia had that weird snake sex.
And you're like, "LOL, at least we can do it without creepy-ass snakes and black voodoo magic."
When Tate raped Violet's mother.
At least your man never impregnated your mother with the actual spawn of Satan. At least.
When Alma chopped up Grace.
And actually, everything about the whole Alma and Grace situation should make you grateful for your relationship. Because at least your partner never made you live in domestic bliss with their crazy, axe-wielding ex who was once abducted by aliens.
When Leo and Teresa spent their honeymoon doing it in an insane asylum.
At least your sexual fetishes don't involve murder and the criminally insane.
When Kyle strangled Madison.
At least your boyfriend isn't violent towards women. :(
When Dandy killed Andy.
At least your man would never sink so low as to rid the universe of Matt Bomer's impossible beauty.
When Tate forgot to tell Violet he was dead.
At least your partner never kept a secret so huge it was literally life or death throughout your early courtship.
When Ben slept with a crazy lady.
At least your spouse didn't impregnate a possibly psychopathic graduate student, and then straight-up murder her.
When Dell prevented Desiree from getting a life-changing surgery.
This was the worst. As if Dell being an abusive trash monster wasn't enough... at least your man never broke the hands of the one surgeon in America who was willing to help you live your life the way you want to.
When Wendy allowed Lana to be checked in to Briarcliff.
At least your lover was never so afraid to come out that she sacrificed your freedom by getting you tossed into the loony bin.
When Chester just, like, existed.
At least your bae never brought a creepy-ass doll into the bedroom. At least. Treasure him or her forever.