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J.K. Rowling Is Shattering Fan Theories, Telling Us What Snape Smells Like

Lay the Ronbledore banner down gently.

A flurry of Twitter activity from "Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling can mean either joy or devastation for fans -- sometimes both. This morning, some long-cherished fan theories were torn down by the creator of Hogwarts herself, but one new fact was brought to light.

Let's get the hardest one to take out of the way first: Ronbledore is a lie.

We loved it when we discovered it, and could kind of see it being a thing, but alas. Earwax.

And for all those of you who were like, "hey, maybe Draco Malfoy is such a turd about werewolves because HE ARE A WEREWOLF," J.K.R. has an answer for you: nah.

Oh, and Snape's not a vampire either. Just pale.

But if you'd long harbored an olfactory suspicion about the long-time potions master, you're in luck! Severus Snape does, in fact, smell like "bitterness and old shoes," according to Rowling.

Um, Jo? Little harsh. This anti-Slytherin sentiment will not stand.

So at this point, what fan theories does Rowling still have to address? Any Gladys Gudgeon thoughts? Teddy Lupin gossip? Wild Giant Squid stories?