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We Ranked Every Celeb Breakup To Figure Out: Is Love Dead Or Nah?

SCIENCE.

Ariana and Big Sean. Ben and Jennifer. Miss Piggy and Kermit. Zayn and Perrie -- and One Direction, too.

This has been a bad, bad year for celebrity relationships, with some of Hollywood's most longstanding, solid-seeming couples deciding to call it quits. It's left us all wondering: Can love survive? Or is love dead? Or is it only mostly dead, which, as we all know, is slightly alive?

Fortunately, that question has a totally objective and scientific answer. All we have to do is follow a formula, weighing the grief caused by this year's breakups against the inspiration we got from its happy couples, with each romance given a point value based on a variety of influencing factors.

If the inspiration quotient is greater than the devastation quotient, love still has a pulse. If not? DEAD.

Let's do this.

Love Is Dead: The Splitsville List

Divorces, separations, conscious uncouplings, and just plain breakups: This year, it seemed like every celebrity pair ever was busy calling it quits. Below, we've ranked these famous splits in order of how upsetting they were.

  1. Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger, -3
    Phillip Chin/WireImage

    These two got hitched after a whirlwind romance back in 2013, but alas, it didn't last.

  2. Elizabeth Olsen and Boyd Holbrook, -4

    After three years together and 10 months of betrothal, this cute couple sadly called it quits.

  3. Emma Roberts and Evan Peters, -4
    FX

    "American Horror Story: Cancelled Wedding."

  4. Emma Watson and Matt Janney, -5
    Anthony Harvey/Getty Images

    It was bad enough when Hermione got her heart broken in "Half-Blood Prince"; seeing it happen in real life was even worse.

  5. Hilary Duff and Mike Comrie, -5

    Even though they kept their relationship pretty private by Hollywood standards, it still cracked under pressure. Sad.

  6. Louis Tomlinson and Eleanor Calder, -5
    Getty

    It was springtime for nobody when the couple ended their multiple-years-long relationship in March.

  7. Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams, -5

    No more duets.

  8. Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert, -6
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    Booo, they were so cute together.

  9. Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick, -7
    @kourtneykardashian/ Instagram

    RIP, best part of KUWTK.

  10. Nick Jonas and Olivia Culpo, -8
    James Devaney/GC Images

    A rough breakup after two years together. Ouch.

  11. Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green, -10

    The way these two always gushed about their commitment over the course of 10 years together makes it that much sadder that, in the end, they couldn't make it work.

  12. Gigi Hadid and Cody Simpson, -10
    Brian Birzer/Getty Images

    On, off, on again, and off again: This was the year when these two lovebirds finally stopped (metaphorically) singing.

  13. Kermit and Miss Piggy, -10
    J Grassi/Brooklyn Museum

    The longtime couple announced their breakup over the summer, sending shockwaves through both the human and muppet communities... although considering how turbulent (and occasionally violent) things were between them, we'll admit that it might be for the best.

  14. Perrie Edwards and Zayn Malik, -10

    Only slightly less devastating than Zayn's breakup with One Direction.

  15. Ariana Grande and Big Sean, -10
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  16. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, -10

    No more adorable pics of the happy couple out with their cute kids, ever. Sob.

  17. Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt, -12
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    Once Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins called it quits, Jon and Jennifer were the new, cutest ring-less relationship in Hollywood... until they, too, split up, after 16 years together.

  18. Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale, -15
    Chris Polk/Getty Images

    Love is dead. Love is so, so dead.

...Or is it? We've still got to factor in:

Love Is Still Alive: The Happy Couples

Engagements, weddings, and longterm relationships still going strong despite the pressure of fame: These are the couples who've been giving us #relationshipgoals all year long, ranked in order of romantic inspiration.

  1. Claire Holt and Matt Kaplan, +2

    One point for love, one point for that gorgeous rock.

  2. Molly Tarlov and Alexander Noyes, +2

    There's definitely nothing "Awkward" about this sweet engagement for the MTV actress and her musician fiance.

  3. Trai Byers and Grace Gealey, +2

    The "Empire" stars put a ring on it this year.

  4. Chris Hardwick And Lydia Hearst, +3
    Getty

    Not only are Chris and Lydia a perfect combo of beauty and brains, they're now officially engaged.

  5. Julianne Hough and Brooks Laich, +4

    The two announced their engagement this year, and just think of the epic wedding dance video, ohmigod.

  6. Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama, +4
    @ddlovato/ Instagram

    Although they've kept things private in the past, Demi and Wilmer opened up this year about their 5-year relationship -- and inspired us all with the strength of their bond.

  7. Young Thug and Jerrika Karlae, +4
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    Engaged!

  8. Melissa Benoist and Blake Jenner, +5

    Aww, newlyweds. Extra points for the secret wedding!

  9. Tracy Morgan and Megan Wollover, + 5

    Morgan celebrated his recovery from a car accident by tying the knot with Wollover, because having a brush with tragedy makes you realize what's truly important.

  10. Robert Pattinson and FKA Twigs, +6
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    These two lovebirds keep it pretty low-key, but the news of their engagement this year gave us all a little happiness boost.

  11. Kendrick Lamar and Whitney Alford, +7
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    This is what we call a handsome couple.

  12. Lady Gaga and Taylor Kinney, +7
    Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

    The opposite of a bad romance.

  13. Chrissy Tiegen and John Legend, +7

    These two continue to be so cute together, we just have to cry about it.

  14. Ian Somerhalder And Nikki Reed, +8
    Nikki Reed

    These newlyweds have been the epitome of #relationshipgoals all year.

  15. Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, +8
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    After breaking our hearts by splitting from Vanessa Paradis in 2012, Johnny put 'em back together again by marrying his new ladyfriend. Twice.

  16. Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello, +9
    WireImage

    If it weren't so adorable to see this gorgeous couple smooching on the red carpet and gushing about each other in interviews, it would be nauseating. Fortunately, it's adorable.

  17. Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher, +10

    Not only did they tie the knot, they gave us one of the year's most adorable celebri-babies. Win!

  18. Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, +10

    In a year where way too many established couples called it quits, it was nice to be reminded that Will and his Queen are still going strong.

  19. Emily Blunt and John Krasinski, +10
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    God bless Emily and John for continuously demonstrating that love is not dead.

  20. Jennifer Aniston And Justin Theroux, +15

    Points to this couple for tying the knot; additional points for keeping the wedding a total secret; and points on top of that for the part where Jennifer held up like a champ through a freaking decade of tabloid obsession over her non-existent beef with Brangelina. LOVE IS REAL.

  • BONUS WILD CARD COUPLE: Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield, ± 1 million
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    Worth noting: Emma and Andrew are so adorable together that they could singlehandedly keep love alive, or kill it, or kill it and then resurrect it from the dead, Frankenstein-style. But since the status of their relationship is a huge mystery right now, they remain a zero-sum wildcard.

So, where do we stand vis a vis the existence of love, scientifically speaking? The results are in, and:

The Breakup Devastation Index: -139

The Romantic Inspiration Index: +137

Conclusion: Love is dead.

But ooooh, so close. Just one teensy engagement, public display of affection, or official confirmation of couplehood could push us back into a world where love is not dead! So... maybe love is only mostly dead? Check back to see if the next celeb wedding gets us back to a world where love lives, or if another breakup officially kills it, forever.