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Lil Mama Reveals She Was 'Near Suicidal' After Crashing Jay Z's VMA Performance

Lil Mama also says that she tried to have Beyoncé join her onstage.

Kanye West's Taylor Swift speech interruption at the 2009 VMAs might be the most famous moment of that night, but it wasn't the only stage crash. If you recall, Lil Mama had an interesting interruption of her own that evening.

As Jay Z and Alicia Keys finalized their "Empire State of Mind" performance, Lil Mama took the stage uninvited and tried to pose next to Jigga and Alicia. Afterwards, Lil Mama apologized and Hov called the act "outta line." She was ridiculed by fans.

All of this had a profound impact on Lil Mama. "It hurt," she told Complex. “It took a lot of mental strength, spiritual strength, and physical strength, not to want to hurt others, not to want to hurt myself. A person could be damn near suicidal."

She explained that she lost a lot of work because of it.

“A lot of people felt like they didn’t want to take a chance on me with certain things because it might have made Jay Z or Alicia Keys not want to work with them," she said.

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Lil Mama also apparently tried to involve another star in this: Beyoncé.

“As I’m walking, I stop, and I’m like—‘come on, come on, let’s go,’ to Beyoncé,” Lil Mama said. “And she’s like, ‘What?’ She couldn’t believe it. I was trying to celebrate the city. Now that I’m a woman, how crazy would it have looked if she walked up there? They would have been like, [Beyoncé’s] jealous, she can’t stand to see [Jay Z] with another woman. And here I am, someone who’s not in that state of mind, not thinking that way, just caught up in the moment. I look back and think, damn, she was right. I was tripping."

Lil Mama spoke with MTV News about the incident right after it happened. "I want to apologize," she said at the time. "I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful…I was feelin’ it and it just happened."

If you or anyone you know is dealing with depression and/or considering suicide, it’s extremely important to tell a parent, teacher or counselor, or call (800) 273-TALK and visit HalfofUs.com.