Lady Gaga / Instagram

Lady Gaga Straight Up Steals A Child In These 'AHS: Hotel' Pics

That's not how you gain more Little Monsters, Gaga.

Attention, citizens of Santa Monica: it's time to hide your kids, hide your wives, etc., because Lady Gaga's "American Horror Story: Hotel" character, The Countess, is kidnapping everyone up in here.

We already knew that The Countess had an ... interesting... social life that includes threesomes and drinking blood, but now, thanks to the ever-watching eyes of Gaga's beloved paparazzi, we know that straight-up kidnapping is included in her extracurricular plan as well. And she does it in plain sight!

Here's what went down:

First, Gaga showed up to Santa Monica beach on Wednesday (September 9) in totally practical beach attire. B-tch stole my look!

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Next, Gaga made a friend. Totally innocent, right?

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Next... uhh... wait... Gaga, that's not your kid. Not even remotely.

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Welp, let's hope this all gets solved via Amber Alert!

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We won't find out what happened to this poor, poor child until "AHS: Hotel" debuts on October 7, but according to local onlookers, the duo walked to a nearby hotel after they finished filming the beach scene. Maybe this is how Gaga collects her Little Monsters?