7 Totally Practical Real-World Uses For Pokémon

Now that's being a Pokémon master.

The world of Pokémon sure is a strange one, and not because children regularly leave home at the age of 10 to kidnap wild animals and make them fight each other -- it's because sometimes it feels like that's the only thing that Pokémon are good for. And sure, that's probably because the video game's mechanics only lets you do battle with your caught Pokémon and not, for example, use their scales or feathers to craft yourself items like you can in other games. Just sayin', a Pokémon "Minecraft" crossover mod would be killer.

But anyway, in the real modern world outside the confines of our Nintendo 3DS, Pokémon would be lot more useful to us as more than just gladiators. You could...

  1. Flame grill meats with the help of Charmander.

    He really elevates your barbecue to the next level.

  2. Instead of a White Noise Machine, catch a Jigglypuff!

    These little puff balls are amazing at putting you to sleep, so you'll never need to doze off to an ASMR video or a recording of a babbling brook. Just make sure you don't have any pens or markers left nearby -- you know, just in case.

  3. Klefki would be perfect for remembering your keys (duh).

    In the newest generation of Pokémon games, there is literally a Pokémon that is a keyring. According to the Pokédex, Klefki "loves to collect keys and will confront opponents with a fierce jingle of their collection." Let the poor guy do what he does best.

  4. Use a Magnemite to stick things to your refrigerator.

    Never forget to pay a bill or treasure a child's elementary school drawing again!

  5. Charge your electronics with Pikachu!

    Seriously, I kinda wish Pokémon were real just so I could have the most adorable phone charger every at my side at all times. Pikachu would be a lot easier to remember than the one I've got plugged into my wall.

  6. Knit a delightful scarf with Mereep wool.

    Unlike regular sheep's wool or alpaca, I bet Mareep yarn is really soft and doesn't shed or itch. Then again, maybe I'm projecting.

  7. And then relax with a Snorlax for a bean bag.

    I'm getting comfortably sleepy just thinking about how great it would be to fall asleep on one of these guys. Who needs to bike to Route 12, anyway? Let's just sit here and snooze.