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'Star Wars': 7 Reasons Ewoks Ain't Nothin' To F--k With

Yub nub, mothafuqqas.

It's one of the biggest controversies in all of "Star Wars" history -- are the Ewoks awesome, or are they the worst?

In most situations it depends on who you ask. For some fans who were older when "Return Of The Jedi" hit theaters in 1983, the cuddly-looking creatures were the original trilogy's version of Jar-Jar Binks: a character clearly created for no other reason than to excite children and who damaged the "Star Wars" franchise irreparably with sight gags and foolish antics.

But for other, more enlightened "Star Wars" enthusiasts, the Ewoks aren't just a cheap ploy to sell teddy bears to sci-fi nerds (though yes, that was a very wonderful byproduct). They are the best, because they combine two of the most compelling traits a character, let alone a species, can possibly have -- cuteness and murderousness.

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Make no mistake, those are the eyes of a trained killer. Don't believe me? Then you need to see the evidence.

  1. They have incredible upper body strength.
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    That speeder's going pretty fast, and yet this little guy is basically hanging on to it with nothing but his fluffy little paws. Meanwhile, I can barely hold a door open for extended periods of time. Ewoks would destroy me in a push-up contest.

  2. In fact, they are powerful enough to overpower creatures twice their size.
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    Stormtroopers have a reputation for being lousy shots and mostly disposable, but you think even they'd be able to take down some teddy bears, right? Wrongo. They throw fully grown human men around like they were -- well, stuffed animals.

  3. They carry giant effin' spears.
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    GIANT. SPEARS. You don't carry one of those unless you are fully prepared to gut a living creature with it.

  4. They also have strength in numbers.
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    Have you ever heard the theory that bugs outnumber every single other species on Earth so thoroughly that if they were intelligent and malevolent enough, they could wipe out all life as we know it? Imagine that you're in the forests of Endor's moon, and the Ewoks are very intelligent, very adorable bugs. Sorry you can't stop screaming now.

  5. They like to set set people on fire.
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    While alive, even! If Han Solo had been on his own, he'd be a crispy Corellian smuggler by now.

  6. They are terrifyingly ingenuitive.
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    Incredible brute force doesn't against battle droids, which is why ewoks preferred to use their incredible intellect instead. Then again, they probably needed incredible brute force to be able hoist those logs up in the air and set them just right for a possible trap. Just wanted to point that out a second time, these jerks are strong.

  7. They were quite literally based on the Viet Cong.
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    According to the behind the scenes DVD extras for "Return of The Jedi," George Lucas based these furry little guys on the guerilla fighting force that defeated the United States army in the Vietnam War. Wait, does that make us the Empire?