"When civilization ends, it ends fast."
That's just one of the wonderful pearls of wisdom young Tobias dropped on Madison Clark during the second episode of "Fear the Walking Dead," called "So Close, Yet So Far." The guidance counselor and the student roamed the halls of their abandoned high school, searching for supplies, weapons, food, you name it — and really, the food was where it's at.
"Cafeteria food is designed to survive a nuclear strike," he advised, "until, like, the year 3000."
If you were watching Tobias drop these nuggets of information about chicken nuggets and more, and weren't fist-pumping at the rise of the show's greatest character like I was, then you and I were watching different shows. Tobias, quite simply, rules. Even if he knifed Zombie Principal Art's chest instead of his head, and even though he needed Madison to save him from the jaws of death, this scrappy little guy is pretty easily the most fun character on a show that's desperately in need of some levity.
And yet, it does not look like we're going to have nearly enough Tobias in our lives, if we're judging solely on the end of the episode, when he and Madison finally parted ways.
"Go take care of your son," he told her. "I'll be okay."
But will we be okay without Tobias? For one thing, "Fear" show runner Dave Erickson has left the door open for Tobias' return, telling Entertainment Weekly: "Tobias is a fun character and whether he returns or not remains to be seen, but he has not been eaten yet so, who’s to say?"
That's all well and good, if not exactly a ringing endorsement. But if there isn't a place for Tobias with Erickson and "Fear," then good news! There's another zombie show on the same network, and it's a perfect home for the knife-wielding hero.
Imagine Tobias popping up on "The Walking Dead," strutting into Alexandria wearing a suit made of skinned walkers, armed to the teeth with knives and know-how about how to survive in this unsurvivable world. The original "Walking Dead" takes miles and years away from "Fear," so for Tobias to show up in Alexandria after originating in Los Angeles would require a great distance between time and space. As terrific as he is now, just imagine how great he would be after years and years on the road.
Also, imagine that Tobias' last name is Porter, and he's secretly related to this guy:
Or that his last name is Dixon and he's the secret third sibling of these guys:
In other words, if there's no room for Tobias with the Clark family on "Fear the Walking Dead," there's certainly a spot for the kid on "Walking Dead," where he could become Carl's new best friend, and he could help Rick and the Alexandrians optimize their city-management strategies for the new world order. Kirkman, make it so.