Beyonce's major September Vogue cover and spread breathed life into the internet this morning, but one thing felt flat. No, not the lack of vibrant colors. (Though, let's be real—I would have loved if every shot of Queen Bey pictured her wearing a vivid red Grace Coddington wig. See also: the other "September Issue.") It's Bey's hair! It's flat because it's wet—get it? It's flat and wet and sexy.
There is nothing wrong with wet hair. This happens to humans who shower, and I love a clean human. And on this, the biggest cover of the year, we have been gifted a history-making cover. In a world of internet, it's the last remaining important magazine cover. The fashion elite climb over each other's corpses to catch a glimpse of the newest in chic, and this is the cover to just BALL. OUT. So, on one hand, thank you for Beyonce, but on the other, we could have gotten Beyonce in the largest wig of all time. There could have been animal-shaped topiaries crowning the Queen of Pop's dome. She could have been bald! *audible gasp*
So, is wet the new dry? IDK, I am not Anna Wintour. But it's not lost on me that it's super normal to leave the house, or gym, or surfbort with wet hair to let it dry in all sorts of fun ways. Also, I am a boy with short hair, so I have no idea what horror lies in the magic and responsibility of taking care of the greatest hair of a generation. Doesn't Beyonce's hair usually travel with a set of fans? Like, rotary fans that keep it flowing and alive like Medusa snakes ready to turn a hater to stone? I think so.
That said, if you're calling her a "shape-shifting virtuoso" in the pull-quotes, dammit, I wanna see her shift shapes! So, here she is, thanks to my best Photoshopping efforts and some coding magic, shifting from wet to air-dried hair. Enjoy!