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Go Home, Tony Stark: Chris Evans' Muscles Have Already Won 'Civil War'

Trapezius muscles, assemble!

On May 6, 2016, Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) and Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) will finally go head-to-head in "Captain America: Civil War." And while you'd think that the de facto leader of the "Avengers" film franchise (Stark) would win over the actual head of the Avengers themselves (Rogers), photos from the film's various filming locations in Atlanta and Berlin have already revealed a clear winner: Chris Evans' ridiculously muscular physique.

Like, okay, we've watched Evans' Cap body throughout four whole movies and one glorious cameo by now, but still. The damn thing is just so over-the-top ridiculous and perfect that one might even think super-solider-serums and vita-rays actually exist.

Below, 11 pieces of actual, rock-solid proof that Evans' diet, gym habits, and God-given muscle tissue have already won this Civil War:

  1. When he went full-on Human Dorito in Atlanta.
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    Fifty Iron Man suits couldn't defeat those traps. Never, never never.

  2. When he tried to cover them up with a loose-fitting leather jacket but no one was buying it.
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    That deep t-shirt stretch in the pectoral region can't hide... not even from that dude pointing in the background.

  3. When his quads were so huge they almost distracted us from that weird AF thing he's holding.
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    What is that? A low-rent version of Thor's hammer? A flashlight? And oddly shaped vibrator? Either way, it's no match for Chris' thighs.

  4. When his torso was so massive it made armed guards step back and quiver in fear.
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    At least that's what we assume that dude is doing.

  5. When his triceps were so on fleek he got faint just thinking about them.
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    Don't worry -- those rock-hard glutes undoubtedly broke his fall.

  6. When the Dorito got so Dorito-esque that even Crossbones gave up the damn fight.
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    TAKE A SEAT, GRILLO.

  7. When... sorry, just got distracted looking at those arms.
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    How is that crowd focusing on anything else?!

  8. When his pecs captured the attention of a major metropolitan area.
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    Bow down, b--ches.

  9. When he pulled a full-on Britney with this sheer abdominal ensemble.
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    Please make dreams come true by keeping this in the final cut of the movie, Marvel.

  10. When his right bicep made that guy in the yellow shirt make that face.
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    It's cool, guy, we're making it too.

  11. When he took a leisurely stroll and his body was somehow more perfect than two brand new Audis.
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    Would you rather have a $100,000 car, or a pizza date with Chris Evans? You'd probably get to eat most of the pizza.

  12. ... And finally, here's Anthony Mackie for good measure.
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    We are all Anthony Mackie in this photo. BLESS.