What were our lives like before Anna Kendrick started performing in movies, became famous and then got a Twitter account? Probably just sitting around moping with absolutely no joy in our hearts. The woman is a comedy mastermind who brightens our day with her hilarity.
In honor of her 30th birthday (August 10), here are 30 different times that Kendrick had us busting a gut over her insight and wit:
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On Humility
"I'm so humble it's crazy. I'm like the Kanye West of humility."
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On Men
"I like my men like I like my coffee. Silent."
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On Fireworks
"I don't understand people who buy fireworks. Fireworks are beautiful yes, but so are majestic jungle cats. I still prefer them far away."
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On Fashion
"The scent wafting out of Abercrombie stores is a f--king day ruiner. How did they manage to bottle the smell of high school and rejection?"
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On Productivity
"Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say 'Netflix and avoiding responsibilities.'"
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On Sarcasm
"Sarcasm never comes across in print. Which I love."
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On Time
"Everything has led to this moment! And this moment! And this one! And this one. And this one. And this one.... And this one… And this o-"
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On Cuisine
"I'm done being embarrassed about my boring taste in sushi. If it looks like it killed Nemo's mom, I'm not eating it."
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On Beauty
"When my nails get really long I love running them through a scruffy beard. (Must get manicure soon... and wax my face)"
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On Sexuality
"Hey baby... is that a phone in your pocket or is your penis just really square?"
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On Changing
"Had to dye my hair for a film. Keep getting spooked when I pass reflective surfaces. Now I know how puppies feel."
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On complaining
"I'm the person who wouldn't send back my food even if I got steak when I'd ordered fish."
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On Sexuality... Again
"Ugh, NEVER going to a Ryan Gosling movie in a theatre again. Apparently masturbating in the back row is still considered ‘inappropriate.'"
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On Reboots
"They should announce a sequel to 'Groundhog Day' and then just re-release the original."
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On Motherhood.
"A birth certificate is basically a baby receipt."
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On Likeability
"For someone with such an intense need to be liked you'd think I would have figured out how to be less of an a--hole."
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On Regrets
"My daily objective is less about goal achievement and more about regret management."
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On Drugs.
I don't think having an Ambien addiction would be all that bad. But that might just be the Ambien talking."
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On Hotness.
"I mean I'm hot, but like approachable hot. Like the girl in your improv class."
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On Dessert
"'I don't want a whole dessert, let's just get two spoons' - Former friends of mine."
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On Comedy
"I'll be hanging with Mark Zuckerberg later. If I say "I loved you in Zombieland" do we think he'll laugh?"
(She did. He laughed.)
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On Airports.
"Why do I buy cooking magazines in airports? I might as well be buying porn. I get all excited but there's nothing I can do about it."
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On Class
"I don't get why girls paint the "Chanel" symbol on their nails... I could tattoo it on my ass but it don't mean I'm fancy."
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On Heroes
"They say you shouldn't meet your heroes. And they're right cause I met a baby raccoon once and it pooped on my shoulder."
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On "50 Shades"
"The '50 Shades of Grey' dude looks just like "Love Actually" kid. I feel less *turned on* and more like....I should call child services..."
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On Body Shaming
"So over this 'thigh gap' thing. Not to brag, but I'm knock knee'd so I have 'ankle gap.'"
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"I get bummed out when I end up being on time but I'd worked up a really solid "why I'm late" story."
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On Complaining
"I'm the police dog of finding stuff to complain about."
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On Regrets, Again
"Working on my fantasy of what I SHOULD have said to that FedEx girl who gave me attitude."
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On Singledom
"Cooking for one sucks because no matter how I portion it I seem to end up wasting food. Also loneliness."
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On being Normal
"Being well adjusted is probably f--king overrated."
