Ready or not, it's finally time to say #JonVoyage.
Tonight marks the final episode of Jon Stewart's run as the host of "The Daily Show," the end of an era that began 16 years ago. He's eviscerated and demolished just about anybody and everybody posing a threat to common sense and decency since first occupying the chair in 1999, but as of tonight, the crusade comes to an end.
We're watching Stewart's "Daily Show" swan song live as it happens, and we'll be updating all of the action as it happens on the screen. So as Stewart says goodbye, join us while we say goodbye — and good luck — right back at him.
UPDATES AT THE TOP!
11:57 PM: Jon's final moment of zen plays out in the form of Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band performing "Land of Hope and Dreams." We hope to see you again soon, Jon, but for now, sweet dreams.
11:54 PM: The final words (for now) from Jon:
"I can't thank the people who work here enough, and I can't thank Comedy Central enough, and I can't thank the audience enough. Your support over the years... don't think the energy you put out is not received on those days where we feel we just don't have it.
"I want to thank my wife Tracey and my kids Nate and Maggie — not going to look over there! — for teaching me what joy looks like. An artist I really admire once said he thinks of his career as a conversation with his audience. A dialogue. And I really like that metaphor for many different reasons, but the main one is that it takes away the idea of finality. This is just a conversation. This show isn't ending. We're merely taking a small pause in the conversation.
"It's a conversation I have hogged, by the way. I apologize for that! At some point I should have turned the camera around and asked if you have anything to add. I've been dominating this in a selfish way!
"But I thought that was a remarkable way of getting to the idea that nothing ends. It's a continuation. A pause in the conversation. Rather than saying goodbye or good night, I'm just going to say, I'm going to go get a drink. I'm sure I'll see you guys before I leave.
"That's our show. I thank you so much for the privilege of being able to perform it for you, the privilege of being able to do it for you... and now here it is, my moment of zen."
11:50 PM: Okay, ACTUAL final commercial break. Here we go...
11:48 PM: "The good news is this: Bullsh---ers have gotten lazy and it's easily detected, and looking for it is kind of a pleasant way to pass the time," he advises. "It's like playing an 'I Spy' of bullsh--. I say to you tonight, friends, the best defense against bullsh-- is vigilance. If you smell something, say something."
11:45 PM: "I would love to download Drizzy's latest Meek Mill diss. Everyone promised that made sense." It did, Jon. It did.
11:43 PM: One last time, a little Camera Three, for old time sake, as Jon announces: "Bullsh--! Is everywhere. Are the kids still in here? We'll deal with that later."
11:38 PM: Another (final?) commercial break. Jon Stewart's run on "The Daily Show" ends in 13 minutes. Set the doomsday clock accordingly.
11:36 PM: Meet the people running the show from inside the Executive Suite (note, not actual picture, but really close):
11:34 PM: Cool Zack and the Researchinator seem especially great. Also, Jon works with eye-bleeding, TV-watching zombies. They're kind of terrifying. And I think the prop master might get fired?
11:32 PM: Jon says the process of the show, and not the show itself, is what he'll miss the most. "This is the most beautiful place I've ever been, and I'll never have it again. I've had to come to terms with that." So rather than tell us about them, he's going to let us meet them.
11:26 PM: OH THANK YOU COMMERCIAL BREAK GODS, GIVE ME A MINUTE TO STOP WEEPING.
11:25 PM: "You are infuriatingly good at your job," Colbert says, going off-script and being really sincere and kind of making me cry. "We are better people for having known you. You are a great artist and a good man." STOOOOOP.
11:24 PM: Oh, Colbert just came here for the party to impress his new friends from CBS. Typical.
11:21 PM: Jon cannot possibly leave without saying goodbye to the Sam to his Frodo...
11:20 PM: "Gitmo not leaving... only Jon Stewart?" OH MAN THIS JUST GOT DEPRESSING.
11:18 PM: Even Ed Helms has taken some time out of his busy schedule running the Rocky Mountain Institute For Men Who Get More Distinguished And Handsome With Age to swing by.
11:16 PM: In walks Arby's CEO Paul Brown: "Jon Stewart. It's like your TV just threw up in your face." Touché.
11:14 PM: Trevor Noah can't even let Jon Stewart have one final episode without him. Brutal.
11:12 PM: Darth Vader, Senior Evil Correspondent, is not happy that he has been compared to Dick Cheney. "Let us be clear: There is the Dark Side, and then there is whatever he calls his sick thing. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to shooting your friend in the face." That was intense.
11:10 PM: WAIT WHY IS OLAF HERE
11:09 PM: Larry Wilmore just swung by. Dude's got nothing else going on since his show got bumped.
11:08 PM: Mo Rocca, Dave Atell... how many of these people were just frozen in carbonite this whole time?
11:07 PM: Oh, when he said "full team coverage," he really meant full team... including international superstar Steve Carell:
11:03 PM: Because Jon feels a responsibility — nay, an obligation — to devote the final episode of "The Daily Show" to full team political coverage, he's turned the mic over to Jessica Williams, Hassan Minhaj and Jordan Klepper to recap everything that happened at the Republican Presidential Debate. This is.... not what we expected.
11:00 PM: And here... we... go! Hope you brought some snacks!
10:57 PM: Three minutes until liftoff. Last night's episode is airing right now. Louis C.K. thanked Jon on behalf of all of comedy, and they said they would die together holding hands in a month. Let's hope that's not true, but it's kind of sweet?
10:45 PM: And the waiting game... begins! While we wait for Jon to cede to the gravitational pull of his home planet New Jersey, here's how he charted his successes (and failures) on last night's penultimate show: