Fabrice Poincelet

9 Insane Ancient Beauty Secrets You Should NOT Try At Home

The author of 'Legacy Of Kings' is here to school you.

Apparently, Alexander The Great was supposed to be a pretty attractive guy -- but how did people go about, well, grooming themselves back in his day? Allow Eleanor Herman, author of the upcoming book "Legacy Of Kings," educate you.

Herman, a historian, blends reality and fantasy in her new book, which sees 16-year-old Alexander on the precipice of taking over the world -- while all manner of intrigue and love triangles crop up to confuse and befuddle him. There's a LOT going on in this historical tome, so we'll let this exclusive trailer Herman sent us break it down.

Once you absorb all that -- and pre-order the book, which drops August 18 -- check out some pretty cool retro (really retro) beauty tips that Herman complied for us below! Don't try any of them at home.

  1. How to get your eyebrows waxed in 340 BC...

    Hot beeswax. Yank. Simple

  2. How to whiten your teeth in 340 BC...

    Drink white wine vinegar. Rub your teeth with pumice stone shavings on a soft cloth. It will take off the enamel, but what’s left will be really, really white.

  3. How to put on blush in 340 BC...

    Grind up some rose petals, duh! And mix them with crocodile dung. Apply to cheeks. (You weren’t expecting that part, were you?) You can read all about it in Kelly Olson's book "Dress and the Roman Woman."

  4. How to do your eye makeup in 340 BC...

    Collect soot from the fire pit and put it in a small container. Dip a stick into water and apply the soot to your eyebrows and as eye liner. Then grind green malachite on a pumice stone and apply to your eyelids with a wet brush or stick. By the way, it’s poisonous. I found out this horrifying information in Sindya N. Bhanoo's article "Ancient Egypt's Toxic Makeup Fought Infection, Researchers Say," via The New York Times.

  5. How to make face powder in 340 BC...

    Crush eggshells. Thanks, Peter N. Spotts, for the info -- he wrote all about it an article called "Early cosmetics" in Christian Science Monitor.

  6. How to make a moisturizer in 340 BC...

    Mix onions and poultry fat. Apply liberally for smooth, gorgeous skin. It does, um, smell though. Make your own with help from Lise Manniche's book "Sacred Luxuries."

  7. How to fade freckles in 340 BC...

    Burn snails and rub their ashes on your face. Shout out to Peter Spotts once more!

  8. How to get blond hair in 340 BC...

    Sprinkle gold dust in your hair. If you can’t afford that, then rub your hair with flower pollen and the crushed petals of yellow flowers. Thanks, "Encyclopedia of Hair: A Cultural History."

  9. How to darken your hair in 340 BC...

    Apply a mixture of ashes, boiled walnut shells, charred eggs, leeks, and leeches.