Dorm shopping season is upon us, and if it’s your first time headed to the land of XL twins, chances are, you’re peeping at those supply lists and feeling both giddy about the new sense of independence that is about to be upon you. You're also probably totally overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff you’re apparently supposed to buy.
Give yourself a break from shopping (and a lot less packing to do) and forget buying these “necessary items” that you’ll miss even less than living with your parents.
You have a phone. You’ll use that to snooze through most of your 8 a.m. class. (And then to set a reminder to never again register for an 8 a.m. class.)
No need to waste money and space on a hammer and wrench. If something breaks in your dorm room, you’ll easily solve the problem by ignoring it until the very end of the year. College is all about learning how to procrastinate like an adult.
OK, maybe bring a few. But bringing a ton of hangers is an excellent way to hang all of your clothes up once before promptly chucking them into an ever-growing pile of laundry you plan on bringing home for Thanksgiving. Save the space and use your closet to store Ramen and energy drinks instead.
Fabric softener and stain remover
The few occasions upon which you actually do laundry in the dorms will be marked with little effort and a total absence of all unnecessary laundry products.
Hahaha. What is this, college or a black tie affair? Forget lint. People will be lucky you put on sweatpants.
Mini sewing kit
Of the top five kabillion things you’ll want to do on campus, darning socks will make the list approximately never.
Keeping that thing stocked full of ink cartridges will be too time consuming. You’ll walk to a print shop in a sleep-deprived panic and pay to have things printed out instead.
Stamps and envelopes
Your mom will send you a life-changing care package and you’ll mean to send her a nice thank you note, but never get around to it. Save yourself the guilt and just never buy snail mail supplies in the first place.
Measuring cups and spoons
If it can’t be measured in a flavor packet, you’re not making it this year. End of story.
Its only purpose will be to sit under your bed, collecting dust and dirt.
Plates and utensils
It's noble to think that you'll dine on actual flatware... until you realize that will mean doing dishes in your floor's communal bathroom. Ew. When you want the glamorous experience of dining with actual silverware, hit Taco Tuesday at the cafeteria instead.