But since we don't live in an ideal world, this is the next-best thing: J-Law will take the role initially played by Julianne Moore in Jason Reitman's table read of the original "The Big Lebowski," which is being put on Friday in Montreal.
If you need a refresher, Maude Lebowski is the naked zip-lining artist who uses the movie's hero as an unwitting sperm donor, so she can have a little Lebowski. (Her art has been commended as strongly vaginal, which bothers some men.)
According to EW, Michael Fassbender -- who was already on board in the role of Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski -- was Jennifer's way in to the table read. She secured the role in mid-air while she and the rest of the "X-Men" cast were flying back to Montreal to film "X-Men: Apocalypse."
The only disappointing thing about this story -- and really, we're just nitpicking here -- is that since it's just a table read, Jennifer probably won't be donning this awesome Viking-with-bowling-ball-bra ensemble to reenact the movie's amazing dream sequence.
On the other hand, it's J-Law, so she might just show up wearing it anyway.