Jake Gyllenhaal Forked Himself On Television: Watch

This man knows his dinglehoppers.

Jake Gyllenhaal wants the world to know: Forks are not just for eating stuff, okay?

And don't be calling him uncouth about it, either.

The "Southpaw" actor was on "The Tonight Show" last night (July 21), where he was confronted by host Jimmy Fallon with an interesting photo: Snapped by a lurking paparazzo, it showed Gyllenhaal sitting at an outdoor cafe, using a salad fork to scratch a hard-to-reach spot on his back.

You know, as one does.

But far from being chagrined by what the photo caption called his "uncouth manner," the actor doubled down: Yeah, Jake Gyllenhaal sometimes scratches his back with a fork. WHAT OF IT, SIRS?

"Like they determine what's couth and uncouth," the actor said. "You take a picture behind my back and call me uncouth?"

Gyllenhaal then went on to drop some important wisdom in the diverse uses of forks, saying, "It's what my dad does, it's what I was taught when I was a kid. It has many uses, a fork! It's not just used to eat with!"

Yeah! Right?! YEAH. Honestly, people, has "The Little Mermaid" taught you nothing? Forks: They're the only grooming tool you'll ever need.

Respect, Jake Gyllenhaal. We salute you! With a fork! Which we are both combing our hair and eating a salad with, at the same time.